Stirring the Pot...good thing or bad?

Recently, I have stirred the pot and I like it.  Not that I have been much of a pot stir person before but lately and with this blog I think it is time a few of us take up spoon and stir on.  

Yes, it is time for all of us stop letting our television sets and the talking heads tell us what we think.  I remember a time, when forming my own opinion was not an option it was required.  I was taught that I was to sort through the facts and listen to both sides of the issue, listen to my conscience and then make and educated opinion.  

I don't see that anymore.  What I see and hear is the media telling us what we should like, who to vote for and what we believe in.  I used to believe this was not really true until a few months ago.  

Check it out, I was watching some show on day time TV.  I was at work and for some reason I was in the break room and I had no surgery case.  I was simply waiting and the TV was on.  There was a panel of women in a semi circle and they were talking about the soon to come presidential election.  All these women were incredibly beautiful, thin, with perfect hair, amazing outfits and extremely high heals, amazing makeup and the most cheerful manicures I have ever seen.  

I hardly ever watch TV.  I think mainstream TV is simply gross.  So, when I find myself having to endure any regular TV, I do so with such cynicism and eye rolling I can hardly stomach what is actually going on with the program.  Yes, I am above it.  I admit it.  I am to smart for regular TV.  My IQ is not very high at a mere 136 but it is too high for the average regular crap that most find interesting and it is too low for the truly intelligent.  I am stuck in the limbo of the almost really smart.  I am in the smart purgatory.  I suppose it is like I am to smart for the everyday people and to stupid for the truly smart folks.  I think of it as having one foot in both worlds and not really fitting in either one.  

So, I found myself staring at this program and here were these TV bimbos talking about something I might be interested in.  The up and coming presidential elections, OK, then lets give it a try.  I stopped my internal raving about how stupid TV is and how anyone who watched it was an idiot.  Then for two- seconds  I let myself pay attention to the prancing bimbos and the balls they were balancing on their noses. 

The dancing and prancing bimbos gave each of the presidential candidates less than three minutes each.  They made sure to sneer and let all of us know how all candidates other than Hilary Clinton were disgusting baby murderers and unworthy to breath oxygen or take in food for sustenance.  Then for the rest of the program, I watched these women fawn and basically become wet with sexual excitement over Ms. Clinton.  I kept wondering, when they were going to bring out the battery operated dildos named Hilary and call out her name in a sexual frenzy?  I was thoroughly disgusted with the media after such a horrifying display.  

I was thoughtful for a moment.  I thought that the media was supposed to be non biased and represent all people and especially political persons fairly and without sway towards one side or the other.  This was not what I saw or heard.  I was perplexed by what I had just witnessed.  Then I realized that they must have been bought and paid for by the Democratic Party or brainwashed. They were so obviously against the republicans or the conservative party with every word that came out of there mouths and their body language it was so screamingly obvious.  If I had not been so insulted, I would have thought it was funny.   I could not decide which they were, brainwashed or both?  

If they were paid for, then they would not have been so all consumed and as if they were under a spell, then they would be more zombie like...right?    You know, like a really bad B movie.  They must be brainwashed.  There can be no other reason then brainwashed idiots.  What would make a group of what has to be seemingly educated women act like fawning bad acting porn stars? To me they looked like porn stars acting like educated reporters.  Then what do I know, I am only a nurse.  I cannot even begin to comprehend what was the real truth.  No wonder the American people are so confused.  Are we not supposed to trust and believe our reporters?

So, I was in the break room for maybe 20 minutes waiting for direction as to what we were going to do with the open Operating Room time.  In that time, I learned that on regular TV anyone can buy prancing bimbos to sell the Democratic agenda and pretend that it is what everyone wants.  Worse thing is that people believe what they are told and buy into what they see.  I was so sad by what I learned in my 20 minutes of viewing time.  So, made me glad that TV was not my regular thing.  

Why does this bother me? Because the facts should be presented in a non-partisan way and the people of American should be able to determine for themselves who they want to vote for and what causes they think are important without being swayed like an advertisement for deodorant.  Our country is much to important than an advertisement.  At least I think so.

So, yes, I think it is time we start stirring the pot.  We need to read the issues, investigate the candidates, know the proposed laws and bonds and then vote to our conscious and best of our ability.  We all need to stop listening to the media and make up our own minds.  Then and only then will we have leaders that actually make a difference and do the right thing for our country instead of these idiots we have now.  

As a people, the citizens of America we need to open our eyes, ears and mouths once and for all to speak our truths no matter what that truth is and let it be know that we are not going to let anyone tell us how we think or feel any longer.  I know I am.  I know that if enough of us start stirring the pot with our truths and voices we will be heard and in time crap like what I saw, will be no longer.  Besides do you know what people are willing to pay to become American citizens?  Way more then what most of us deem it worthy.  I can tell you that it is time we treat our citizenship as worthy as it is and the privilege it is worth.  

What makes me more sad than I can say is that there are more than a few folks out there that believe in what those ridiculous bimbos were selling and will continue to believe in whatever anyone like them continue to sell  because it is on TV and from ABC or NBC or some such crap like that.  Just because something is beautiful does not mean it is good.  We need to be smart enough as a people to look past the pretty face and really listen to the words and intent.  

What I really am saying is make the right choices America for your own conscience and do not let the TV dictate what you believe.  You might think that you already do this but I challenge you to cut yourself off from media for a good long while and then start reading before you watch anything and then make some solid choices.  You will be surprised at what you choose.  

  

What does Promote the General Welfare mean?

I wrote a really intense blog the other day regarding welfare and how I felt about those who receive it  and then use it to eat at restaurants.  I was 100% opposed to the practice.  I have a friend from way way back who is a liberal and a big supporter of Obama.  He was not very happy with my stance and he was 100% for the practice of allowing welfare recipients to use there EBT cards as money in restaurants.    

In fact, he became very angry with me and told me not to call myself a Constitutionalists because I did not know anything about the American Constitution.  First of all, I have never said I was a Constitutionalists.  I had said I stood by our Constitution not that I was an expert.  Two very different things, however, I did tell my friend that even, if we disagreed that I was still his friend.  He is a big supporter of Obama and his policies and I am not.  The only policy that I stand by is Obama's gay marriage in 50 states law.  Other than that, I think he is a complete idiot.  

The reason he told me that I did not know anything about our constitution was because I mentioned that in the Constitution it said we had the right to the pursuit of happiness.  I miss spoke.  It was in part of the Declaration of Independence, written by Thomas Jefferson that speaks to the pursuit of happiness not the Constitution.  Here is the paragraph from the Declaration of Independence that speaks of the pursuit of happiness:

We hold these truth to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

My friend told me that I did not understand the Constitution and that the phrase "General Welfare" was used in the document twice.  I told him that our founding fathers did not mean for General Welfare in the way he was thinking with special reference for restaurant vouchers.  I thought possibly safety or something like that.  So, me being me, I downloaded the Constitution and Declaration of Independence immediately and looked up the meaning of General Welfare in relation to the Constitution.  I also, started to devour both documents by reading them with fervor.  

This is what I found that was the most interesting.  I found the most comprehensive information on lawandliberty.org.   I have included the article in my blog.  The article does not give credit for who wrote it or I would have included this information.  

General Welfare

The “general welfare” clause is mentioned twice in the U.S. Constitution: first, in the preamble and second, it is found in Article 1, Section 8. 

The preamble reads: “WE THE PEOPLE of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.” 

Article 1, Section 8 of the Constitution refers to the “general welfare” thus: “The Congress shall have the Power to lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises, to pay the Debts and provide for the common defense and general welfare of the United States. . .” 

The preamble clearly defines the two major functions of government: (1) ensuring justice, personal freedom, and a free society where individuals are protected from domestic lawbreakers and criminals, and; (2) protecting the people of the United States from foreign aggressors. 

When the Founding Fathers said that “WE THE PEOPLE” established the Constitution to “promote the general Welfare,” they did not mean the federal government would have the power to aid education, build roads, and subsidize business. Likewise, Article 1, Section 8 did not give Congress the right to use tax money for whatever social and economic programs Congress might think would be good for the “general welfare.”

James Madison stated that the “general welfare” clause was not intended to give Congress an open hand  “to exercise every power which may be alleged to be necessary for the common defense or general welfare.” If by the “general welfare,” the Founding Fathers had meant any and all social, economic, or educational programs Congress wanted to create, there would have been no reason to list specific powers of Congress such as establishing courts and maintaining the armed forces. Those powers would simply have been included in one all-encompassing phrase, to “promote the general welfare.” 

John Quincy Adams, sixth President of the United States, once observed: “Our Constitution professedly rests upon the good sense and attachment of the people. This basis, weak as it may appear, has not yet been found to fail.” 

It is NOT the government’s business (constitutionally) to “help” individuals in financial difficulty.  Once they undertake to provide those kinds of services, they must do so with limited resources, meaning that some discriminating guidelines must be imposed. (so many who need that kind of help- so little resources to provide it.)

The Founding Fathers said in the preamble that one reason for establishing the Constitution was to “promote the general welfare.” What they meant was that the Constitution and powers granted to the federal government were not to favor special interest groups or particular classes of people. There were to be no privileged individuals or groups in society. Neither minorities nor the majority was to be favored.  Rather, the Constitution would promote the “general welfare” by ensuring a free society where free, self-responsible individuals - rich and poor, bankers and shopkeepers, employers and employees, farmers and blacksmiths - would enjoy “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,” rights expressed in the Declaration of Independence. 

Quoting the Tenth Amendment, Jefferson wrote: “I consider the foundation of the Constitution as laid on this ground: That ‘all powers not delegated to the United States, by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States or to the people.’ To take a single step beyond the boundaries thus specially drawn around the powers of Congress is to take possession of a boundless field of power, no longer susceptible of any definition.” 

Writing about the “general welfare” clause in 1791, Thomas Jefferson saw the danger of misinterpreting the Constitution. The danger in the hands of Senators and Congressmen was “that of instituting a Congress with power to do whatever would be for the good of the United States; and, as they would be the sole judges of the good or evil, it would be also a power to do whatever evil they please.”  Unlike public officials during Jefferson’s time, our modern-day legislators have a very loose interpretation of the Constitution. The result is that government has mushroomed into a monolithic bureaucracy. 

Once the government opens its arms (and bank accounts), it divides the citizens into two groups:  those who receive direct (personal, individual) benefit from the government, and those who do not.  That is why the founders designed a FEDERAL system of government that provided only for the “GENERAL” (meaning- non-specific) WELFARE of the people by confining its services to things like “national defense” and “interstate commerce”.  It leaves to the states the issues of HOW or WHEN other services are provided to specific sub-groups. HOWEVER (This is critical) the new government must represent the BEST INTERESTS of all the people, which logically means that it MUST be limited in scope, for the MORE a government undertakes, the more oppressive it becomes. Government MUST be ANCHORED in fundamental principles (see lecture notes).

If you advocate for federal spending on social welfare programs, you are describing a redistribution of income (MY income) for the benefit of Specific individual citizens INSTEAD of (for example) a strong national defense. Which of those activities is the government LEGALLY REQUIRED to perform? (hint: Art. I, Sec. 8, U.S. Constitution.)

If the Federal government MUST do certain things, and something is NOT EXPRESSLY STATED in the constitution as a duty of Federal Government, then HOW (or WHOM) should any other services be provided? (Hint: Tenth Amendment)

There is mention of lecture notes in this article but I could not find any.  However, General Welfare does not mean what my friend think it means.  Our founding fathers wanted a limited government not what we have today.  

Our founding fathers wanted to govern themselves without a sovereign and high taxes.  They wanted to be able to practice their religion without interference.  They wanted to be able to own land.  They accomplished all of this and I am very sure that if they were transported here today and saw our welfare system and what our tax money actually paid for they would be sickened and very confused.  

I am grateful to my friend because now I am a little more informed than I was yesterday.  I might just take a Constitution class.  This stuff is fascinating.  

What do you think of the article?  

Welfare is not OK and either is restaurant vouchers

I became involved in a discussion on Facebook.  The discussion was about food stamps and whether or not they should be allowed at restaurants.  

I am opposed to restaurants allowing food stamps as legal tender for many reasons.  I did not go into any real depth or my reasoning and simply touched on my thoughts.  I will now go into what I really think about food stamps and welfare.  

When I was a child, going to a restaurant was a treat and a privilege for the well behaved child or adults only.  I remember that going to McDonald's was such a rare occurrence that  I could be bribed into doing any chore for the possibility of maybe going to said restaurant and each of us getting one small hamburger a piece and sharing one fry while we ate in the car.  I do not remember drinking a soda.  If we did get one, we shared it in between three of us.  

My parents feed us at home.  We brought our lunches to school from food that our parents bought from the store that was earned by my Father.  We usually ate all our meals at our table in our kitchen until our plates were clean and we were not allowed to drink any liquids until after we finished eating.  We used plates, cups and utensils to eat with napkins in our laps.  Manners were installed and maintained at all times.  

My parents believed that, if you have children you provide for them and feed them, cloth them, put a roof over their heads, make sure you can give them medical treatment, if they need it and love them no matter what.  My parents kept us clean, healthy and well cared for because they were taught this was the right thing to do.  They taught us that once you have a child or once you become an adult you take care of yourself and your family and do whatever it takes to make sure you are 100% responsible for your family, 100% of the time.  I believe this as well.  

I learned that the welfare system was supposed to be a temporary system to help people out of temporary situations.  I understand that people get themselves into situations and need help from time to time.  Even, if you cannot get the job you have trained for or have been educated for for a year or more and need assistance for you and your family, it seems to me that I would be working two maybe three crap jobs and growing food in pots in my nasty cheap apartment window before I would take food stamps. 

This points the pro restaurant people were making was the people receiving food stamps did not have the opportunity to get fresh food in some of the places they live.  That is bull shit.  There are markets on every street that you can't possibly not run into one.  Also, if you have been on government assistance so long that you have time to complain about food or the quality of food, then something is terribly wrong.  

Needing temporary assistance is for the desperately poor and people who need food right now and for a few months to get them over a really bad situation, not for a way of life and leisurely dinning.  If you need food stamps, you don't care about what the stamps can buy, you are happy that they can fill your belly full of food and are grateful.  

Besides, I can afford to go to a restaurant anytime I want, yet I do not because I work and so does my husband.  We choose to eat at home and be good stewards of our finances.  I find it interesting that those who do not work and are given these food stamps go to restaurants more than I ever have or ever will.  Why not, they are not paying for it with their money, they are using taxpayer money.  Imagine, if someone paid for you to go out to eat all the time?  How cool would that be?  

I believe that we should be responsible for our own people and charity should be given within our own families.  We need to prepare for our own old age and plan for that time so we will not burden our children with our expense or care.  If there is a family member that is unable to care for themselves then all the family needs to figure out how to care for them and share in that responsibility.  I want to have a say in who I give my money to and who I help.  Charity does begins at home.  

If there is truly no family, then yes, the state or government can step in to help but only on a temporary basis.  If it is a permanent disability and this person truly cannot work, yes we should by all means assist them and care for them.  It would be such a small percentage of people that we could really take care of them and do right by them.  

Just like social security and medicare should only be for those who have paid into it.  I don't think that it should ever be given to anyone who has not paid taxes.  Both of these programs are privileges of the taxpayers for the taxpayers and should never be given to those who have not earned them nor paid into them.  

I had mentioned the welfare mom.  I was saying that a welfare mom is an able bodied person who if able to breed, by all accounts should be able to work.  I can see a women finding herself in a situation once in her life and needing help with medical bills and maybe the first six months of her surprise babies life.  

After that she needs to be on her own, just like everyone else.  She needs to figure out child care, a job, food and a place to live.  We all had to do that with or without a partner.  What makes her so special that she can have a liter of children and use taxpayer dollars for decades and now the ability to go to restaurants and use them as well?  I say no.  

There is no reason that this should be perpetuated any longer.  These women are not teaching these children to be responsible adults,  to be good stewards and strong citizens of America.  No! They are teaching them to be leaches on society and lazy.  I say again, no, this must stop and to begin with no welfare accepted at restaurants.  

Going even further than that, I think that only on child be allowed on the welfare dime and that should be paid back by the mother and the father even, if it takes a lifetime of five dollars a month.  

The second child would be the complete responsibility of the parents just like all the rest of us.  Perhaps there would be a second thought or two before the surprise baby was made.  One can hope.  One can hope.  Maybe, more children would be placed up for adoption to responsible and loving people because there would be no welfare money available.  

Yes, I am against long term, life time food stamps and welfare for able bodied people.  I believe that we should all take care of our own families and do what it takes instead of living of the hard work of others.  Yes, I think it is disgusting to take money from the American government, when you are perfectly able to take care of yourself and your family.

There is no reason to have baby after baby on the welfare dime knowing that you cannot possibly support them and insist that the American taxpayer foot the bill and allow you to go to restaurants as well.  This is beyond insane.  As well as all the men who live with the women and will not marry them and continue to impregnated them over and over again for the free ride.  These are not men.  They are in my opinion worse than maggots.  

Shame on all of you who think that it is fine and dandy.  Even if you have a mental illness and are unable work because of this mental illness. Being stable and ready for society is your goal.  I don't think anyone wants to be in a perpetual state of big brotherness.  I don't.  If you are so mentally ill you cannot function, then you need to be institutionalized or locked away.  Either work on it and become as healthy as you can be or howl at the moon.  We do as a society need to take care of our mentally ill and need to have the money to do it.  If we were not letting the welfare folks eat at Joe's everyday, then maybe we could take care of them better.  

My husbands family and my adopted family did not come to this country to work and pay taxes so others could sit and watch Jerry 
Springer everyday eating pizza paid for by the American taxpayer and breeding indiscriminately like stupid gerbils.  No, they did not.  They came here to work and make something of themselves.  

Wake up America.  We still live in the greatest country in the world and have more opportunities than even imaginable.  Do not buy into the progressive liberal agenda that would have us all living as non thinking zombie idiots, breeding and doing what we are told.  Think for yourselves, do for yourselves and provide for yourselves.  
So much better then being beholding or some government slut.  Just saying. 

Is it OK To be a RACIST? I don't think so

The other day I was talking to a few friends and we were talking about George Lopez, the Comedian. I was saying how much I used to like him and thought that he was funny.  Then I really listened to his comedy and found him to be very racist against white people.  I also, did not like how he was more than willing to take a kidney from his wife of a more than 20 years.  This was a miracle match.  A one  in a million match.  She gave him this kidney because she loved him and was his wife.  He repaid her with leaving her for a younger woman.

I stopped listening to him after than because he was a jerk and a racist.  My friends said that they had no idea he did that but it was OK that he was a racist against white people because white people had brought the Mexican people down for centuries and that it was OK to be a racist against them, if you were a Mexican.

I disagree 100%.  I do not think or believe it is "OK" to be a racist against anyone for any reason.  I told my friends this.  There was no reason to ever think any humor was funny especially racist humor because of some old hatreds.  How can we ever get past and go beyond, if we keep perpetuating the cycle of hatred?

I believe in what Martin Luther King said ....I will paraphrase.  We must rise above.  He was a brilliant and inspiring person.  I have always thought he meant instead of retribution or revenge, he meant that we should go and be better than the past and those that would oppress others.

I think he wanted us to embrace each other regardless of color, religion or culture.  To accept each other for who and what we are as equals and brothers and sisters.  I am so down with that.  I might not get someones frame of reference but I will do my best to try.  I might get angry at the way someone or some people think or do things and rant about it but I am willing to understand where they are coming from and understand their point of view.  I do my best to not come from a place of hate.

To me there is never an excuse to hate someone based on race.  If I don't like someone, there is a good reason for it.  There are very few people that I do not like and it takes a lot to get me there.  Usually race has nothing to do with not liking or hating someone.  Usually, I don't like someone because they are a real dick.

I have found lately that many people will simply hate white people because they are white.  Just like in days gone by.  You would find the same with many different races simply hated because they were not white.  Is this retribution now that the white race is in decline and feels guilty for what their ancients did in the past?  I don't know?  I just know that it seems that way now.  I do not think it is right.  I was not right then and it is not right now.

We as a people need to desperately stop hating each other and focus on other things besides color of skin or culture.  We need to worry about things like how we raise our children, our planet and environment.  I think it is irrelevant the religious beliefs of others, who we have sex with or marry, if we decide we want a penis or a vagina even, if we are born with one or not.  This is all trivial.  We need to abide by the laws we set by our countries and our states.  If we don't like them, then change them by a fair and democratic process.

Perhaps the only thing worth taking a real stand against is sex with children under 18.  This is wrong. Marring anyone under 18, again wrong.  Murder is wrong.  Rape is wrong.  Incest is wrong.  Stealing is wrong.  Lying is wrong.  Abuse against anyone is wrong.  Sex before the age of 18 is wrong.  Drugs or alcohol use before the age of 18 is wrong.   A few things to say we agree to say these things are absolutely wrong and we all agree to these terms regardless of race.

I am really into our constitution and our amendments.  I believe in America and what we stand for.  I believe in the pursuit of happiness.  I also think we all need to earn it.  My ancestors earned it.  I have earned it and so should everyone else.  Just because someones ancestor was oppressed does not mean that this person deserves anything.

My opinion is that we as a people have lost our way and what is really important.  What is really important is that we are a people and we all live here on this planet and share a common experience of being here right now.

I so want to be friends with all my neighbors but it is so hard, when they so look away from me with hatred in their eyes and I know that it is because they just want me to move because they want that white family to move so another Asian family will move in.  I have never had a chance simply because of my hair color, eye color and language.

I learned that my Mexican friends who I always just thought as of friends and until recently never would have put the word Mexican in front of the label friend before and thought that it was OK to hate white people because of the long ago past.  So, therefore they must hate me on some deep level.  I was hurt.  I guess they only like me to some degree or level of twisted friendship.  That I can never really be their friend because I am "white".  That I am really someone to be hated on some level.  That what I thought was a real friendship was not a real because in truth it was OK to hate me and be racist against me because I am white simply because I am not Mexican.  If it was OK for George Lopez, then it is OK for them.  To be honest I was really sad and very disappointed.

I still love my friends even though they truly can only love me to a certain degree and cannot get past my skin color or race.  I have promised myself that I will rise above and be their friends no matter what and continue to love and befriend all peoples regardless of race because this is who I am even though others cannot get past it, I will and I am.  I refuse to let something so trivial limit my love and friendship or give an excuse for poor and inexcusable behavior.

Yes, I will let this begin with me today and right now.  There will be no limit to how much or whom I love and why.  True love begins with one person.  I choose to let that person be me.  I forgive and will let it go even though it was hurtful.

I ask all my readers and friends to let it begin with you.  To say to yourself that it is not OK to be racist for any reason ever.  To love all people no matter what and that there never is an excuse to let it be OK.

What have we done to our children?

I have been thinking a lot about how we raise our children.  I am no expert.  I have only raised on child and I don't think I did a very good job of it.  

Let me explain, my daughter is a very anxious person and tends to be depressed.  For her good side she is a very creative and interesting person.  So very cleaver and smart.  I love talking to her and would probably be her friend, if she was not my daughter.  I like her. She never did get over the divorce of her parents even though she was far to young to remember us ever being married.  

I will say I did the best I could with the parenting skills I had and read books, attended classes and listened to hours of advice from anyone who would give me some.  I tried to adapt my parenting skills to the behavior of my child but in the end it was the way it was and she turned out the way she is now.  

The way I raised her was to think for herself and be independent.  I was very hard on her and insisted she learn how to make a home and keep a home.  My goal was that, if I died she would be able to manage a home on her own.  That girl fought me tooth and nail every step of the way because she said that none of her friends had to do or learn any of these things.  I did not care.  I wanted her to know how to can food, preserve food, store food, make food from scratch, live on the tiniest of budgets all without thinking about it.  

I wanted her to be able to sew.  I had to learn that one as an adult.  I still can't really sew.  My child can sew way better than I can.  To be able to clean a house and organize a home from top to bottom until it shines and sparkles.  Now, I will say my daughter is a lot like her father.  Not organized at all and really messy.  Like Linus from the Peanuts.  It is like she lives in a dirt cloud and shreds of paper and mess follow her around.  However, I know she knows how to do it.  She chooses to not be organized at this time.  Completely different things.  Her father on the other hand had no clue how to organize himself.  It was like watching a monkey trying to put a round peg in a square hole.  When I realized she was just like him, I made every effort to teach her and give her the skills so she could choose to be organized and clean, when she need to be.  

I made sure she was educated and basically went through each step of her school with her.  I sent her to private school.  Special classes and lessons.  Every single day I monitored her homework and schoolwork all the way through the 12th grade and made sure she was successful.  I wanted her to be able to attend the best college of her choice and major in anything other than theatre or choir.  I refused to pay for those.  You don't need a degree for that.  To be honest I was exhausted after she graduated.  I refused to let her fail.  

However, I promised myself that I would give my only child 150% of my effort every day to get her to her goal.  I promised her that I would pay for four years of college and everything that went with it.  I told her that, if she dropped out she was on her own.  No go backs.  

I did that for a reason.  She is so much like her father.  Identical in personality and behavior that is it scary.  He and she are the kind of people that no matter how much you give them, they will keep taking and not appreciate the gift because they are not the ones who earned the gift in the first place.  I hope that makes sense.  Her father kept taking the financial gift of school from his parents over and over and never finished.  No matter what the configuration was he could not finish until he paid for it himself and chose what he wanted to do.  

So, I was hopeful that she would be able to do it the first time but in my heart I knew that she wouldn't because she is who she is.  She needs to do it on her own with her own money in her own time with her terms.  You see she has to earn her way to feel good about it.  Just like climbing a mounting.  Only you can climb the mountain to get to the top.  

I do feel bad that I am not financially supporting my daughters schooling.  I can't help myself.  I want to.  Everyday, I wish I could just write her a big check and let her go to school on me.  Then I know that would be like giving crack to the addict.  She would learn nothing and would most likely just drop out and waste her time and my money.  It would be bad and disappointing for both of us.  So, I don't go there.  

So, all this background, why?  I keep thinking that I could have done a better job raising her.  Maybe, if I stayed with her dad no matter what she would not have been so traumatized and been more focused and able to stick to things?  I won't ever know.  I am sure that, if I stayed with her dad I would be a very unhappy women and he would be a very unhappy man but she would be a much happier young person.  Maybe?  If I knew for sure that was the case, I think I would have taken the bullet.  Heck, I would do anything to make my daughter happier and more successful.  

Why?  Because I think I was selfish in my unhappiness and thinking of only of myself.  It really hurt my child and how she turned out.  I cannot change the past but I realize now that it hurt her and I am so very sorry for being so selfish.  However, because of my divorce from her father, I have grown up and I like me so much better.  I would never have understood that I was selfish in the first place and continued on my path of being the unhappy beast I was.  I wonder what is worse?  

Back to parenting. I became a better parent and person after her father and I parted ways.  I became happier and the world became a brighter and marvelous place for me once again.  I was overjoyed that I had a child and woke up each day to her wonderful little face and could not wait to see what cool thing she did.  I was not like that when I was married to her father.  Life was a prison sentence and I thought I was a lifer.  I did what I had to do to survive.  

I wonder what other people do?  I see so many family configurations and see so many behavioral issues with children all the time that I cannot even begin to fathom why we have children to begin with.  I mean here we are able to produce another human being and then we do nothing but screw this perfect person up.  

Just going to the store freaks me out.  There are so many children there and all they do is scream and cry.  Snot running down their faces. They grunt at their mothers and point at items that they want.  This is more the norm then the exception.  It is so rare to see a clean, well behaved, content child that I am almost stunned, when I do see one.  

In surgery, I see young girls of 13 or younger with completely shaved pubic areas and tattoos.  What the hell?  These girls are probably more sexually experience than I will ever me.  Do their mothers allow or encourage this?  

I hear of parents not being involved with their children's educations and then find it amazing that they barley graduate high school or cannot get a GED.  Duh....and your surprised?  Then they live at home for an eternity without a job or direction.   They stay children forever.  Children forever in the bodies of adults?  I know of 30 or 40 year olds who never have had real jobs and their 60 or older mothers and fathers work while they stay home and play video games.  What?

I realize I am hard on my only child and I make her live on her own and pay her own way because she chose to drop out of college and she chose to live on her own.  She wanted to be an adult and manage herself.  She is almost 21.  She is an adult therefore she will do and speak as an adult always.  I do not understand grown men and women living as children forever in their parents homes.  

I am told that it is hard out in the real world.  Yes, it is very hard.  I know.  I live here to.  I work here and pay bills here just like my daughter does.  I have helped her from time to time.  Just enough but not to much that it would be enabling to her.  

Just because life is hard does not mean it should not be lived.  I think it is good for our children to suffer and live with four or more roommates and learn to budget their money.  They do not need the best of everything.  They need to be independent and not have mommy and daddy saving them.  Just my humble opinion.  They need to have it hard to they can appreciate, when it is good.  

I think we have done a disservice to our children and given them to much and done to much for them in this generation.  I think we have enabled them to be big babies and that we need to stop right now and cut them loose.  They need to figure this living stuff on their own.  

What do you think?  Do you think we have done a disservice to our children or do you think we are doing the right thing by keeping them safe and at home until they are ready to fly?  


  

Husbands that make you want to scream

So, I have been thinking again.  I know right?  Here we go.  

It all started at work.  I was in an Operating room full of professional women.  The Anesthesiologist was a women, the surgeons were women, the scrub nurse (me) woman and the circulating nurse all women.  We were there taking care of a woman.  Kinda cool right?

I had been ticked off at my husband for over a week.  You see, I have been tired.  Really tired and working more than I should have but enjoying myself.  My husband is used to me waiting on him hand and foot.  No really, I do.  

The other day, he wanted me to fetch him another soda.  He was sitting on the coach and he picks up his glass and jiggles the ice cubes and asks me to refill it.  Normally, no worries.  I would jump right up and do it but I had just worked a 10 hour shift.  I had come home and not even gone to the restroom and started dinner, emptied out my lunch container, cleaned it, put it away and got everything ready for dinner.  Then I went to the bathroom (yes, I washed my hands).  After that, proceeded to make dinner, serve dinner, clean up after dinner and once the kitchen was sparkling and everything was in its place, I sat myself down on the couch.  This is when he jiggled his empty coke glass.  Just so you know, my husbands only involvement in any of this was to walk to the table and eat then get up and leave the table.

I snapped.  You see, my day had been especially hard.  It was one of those days that was what I call a bow and scrape kind of day.  Basically, I ran my bottom off serving everyone to make the day go as smooth as possible.  Not that everyone else did not do that either.  I am just saying that for me it was a really hard day.  So, before I can even catch myself, I said to my husband..."I am done serving for today, get it yourself." 

My husband said..."I know what you mean."  Like when does he ever serve anyone?  Whatever?  He got up and fetched his own refill and did not speak to me for a week.  I was pissed by the time I was in the OR with a bunch of women and I needed to vent.  It is rare that we can talk about anything personal at our jobs because of all the political correctness rules and stuff these days so mostly we just do our jobs in silence or simply talk about the case.  I suppose that is how it should be but I do miss being able to relax once in a while.  

Anyway, I am not sure how it started but we all started to go on about our husbands.  We all had one thing in common.  None of us are married to "American Husbands."  My husband was born here but he is so not a typical American in his thinking or his cultural expectations of women that I do not think of him as a normal American.  We all are professional women.  Meaning all of us has one or more college degrees working in a profession that requires years of study and skill, Nursing being the lowest ranked.  All of us have children of varying ages. All of us are exhausted.

What we learned was that an American man was a helpful man around the house and more of a team player but not so much "real man".  Like our husbands were by far more of the bread winners and the head of the households than any American husband I had ever known of my generation.  I would say as a whole that from my observations that this generation of American husbands were nothing like my father or what my husband is like at all.  The American women are more like what the last generation of American men were like by far.  Even though I am exhausted, I choose my kind of husband every time.  I know that he is a man in the sense of what I think of as what a man should be.  

We all agreed that we had our professions and our full time jobs as wives and mothers as well that it was expected of us to preform all these duties to perfection and without pause.  We did discuss that most of us have the choice to work or not work and what we make is extra or comfort money thanks to our non culturally American husbands and their desire to provide, succeed and provide for their families.   We also discussed that the feminist movement was the worst thing to happen to women and the worlds culture as a whole other than to force women to work outside the home and away from their children.  We all thought it drove men's salaries down and made it almost impossible to live on one income without extreme measures in stewardship.

Although working as a team with my husband does sound appealing at times.  Then again, I really do not want to hammer anything and I am sure he would rather not do dishes or fold shirts so we do what we do.  

After a while we started asking any professional women who came into our room, if they were married and if their husband were a team player or not?  If he was, we asked, if he was an American.  100% of the time, the team players in marriage are the American men.  The ones who have been here for a few generations and culturally American.  Not a real survey to be sure, but it proved that I will always be serving my husband and he will always be providing for me above and beyond on every level.  

I think we serve each other.  I just do not see what he does in terms of physical service.  It is more of security that I really like other than a helping hand.  I think I will take it over a dishwasher helper or a clothes folder any day.  

Now back to my little outburst the other day.  Maybe I should have told him that I was so very tired and could he get himself a soda this one time.  What I have started to do is to look at his soda before I sit down and grab it and refill it and then sit down.  I have even started to ask him, if there is anything he needs, just so I won't feel resentful.  

To be sure, I learned a lot that day.  I learned that I am blessed to have a very old fashioned man who provides for me, cherishes me and my financial security and safety.  Even though it is like living in the 1950's with a full time job I would rather have this than the alternative.  I see and hear my peers that have husbands who are like children and have to be told to work, what to do and how to do it.  These women work, pay the bills, manage the money, take care of everything and their husbands just seem to take up space like over grown children.  I just do not see the pay off.

Yes, I am very grateful for my old fashioned guy and the way he is.  I am kinda sad that most women will never have this feeling of security I have.  My mother said the same thing about the feminist movement and I know I have talked about it before in this blog.  My Mom also said that my generation was the first one where the roles of people were not clearly defined.  

She said that when she grew up, everyone knew who they were and what they were supposed to do.  A man did this and a woman did that.  You grew up and did what was expected of you.  She said that she felt sorry for our young men these days because they did not know wether to scratch their heads or wind their butts or something like that.  She thought that was the reason for so much confusion and divorce.  I tend to agree.

Maybe we are just growing as a people into something better.  I hope so but the growing pains are just crazy.  I would like to see a world where people knew what they wanted and who they were.  A place of acceptance and tolerance with forgiveness on the side just for grins.  

I am not saying my way of living is best.  I think it takes a very patient women to live with a man like I have.  I hope God is watching and gives me brownie points because I earn them every day.  Then again a women who does everything and has that man child at home should get a medal.  

I love talking to women about women issues.  I always learn new things and my thought processes start going like crazy.  I am so very grateful to work with intelligent women who are as educated and interesting as I do.  I am inspired by them everyday to be a better woman and do more and be more just because they are so fabulous.  This is the one good thing to come out of the women's movement our ability to be educated and choose to become professionals and work together.  I do like that.  Even though it does take me away from the home, it is good for my should and brain to engage with others of my like.  

The shaken mind

I have begun to wonder about myself these days.  No, really, I have.  I suppose every person questions who they are and what they stand for now and again.  I think it is good for the soul.  I call it a growing period.

Lately, I have been working more than I normally do.  My husband and I decided that I would not work more than three days a week.  That I would be a housewife instead of professional nurse.  It was decision based on many factors.

I guess the first factor was the brain tumor and other health factors.  We just thought it was best I stay rested and focus on family.  Eventually, I felt great and I just wanted to work again.  So, I started to work in earnest.

Now, I am working almost full time.  I have to say even though I am tired, I am having fun.  It is nice to use my nursing skills and I feel useful.  Not that being a housewife is not useful but on a different level.  I still have the option to work or not but it is nice to be out there using my education and experience for something other than making a pot roast and folding laundry.

Anyway, my usefulness is not what this blog is about.  This blog is about the interesting conversations I have been having with my coworkers and what these conversations have been doing to my brain and how I think about myself.

There are a few of my co-workers that I think of as sisters and real I know just as well as any family.  We all have been working together for so long that there are not many secrets between us.  There are some people that have come to work in the last few years that I have not gotten to know as well and in these recent weeks I have had the most amazing opportunity to get to know my coworker friends better.

Here is what happened.  We were sitting around the break room table and a couple of the girls were talking about the TV shows they liked to watch.  I had not heard of the ones they liked but to be honest I had not ever seen them or even had an interest.

They really liked these shows and thought they were great.  To be honest I never had given any of the TV shows any cadence.   I just thought that they seemed so one dimensional and obvious.  Then again I was embarrassed that I found that kind of entertainment so silly.  I mean here are my friends who love this stuff and I have no idea what the hell they find so great about it.  OK, the stuff they like are shows like Mistresses and Desperate Housewives.

This is when I began to wonder about who I am and why is it that I like the things I like. I enjoy Science fiction, Historical novels, Historical fiction, Fantasy,  Politics, Social culture and anthropology I even like horror.   It had never occurred to me to watch a TV show about a mistress.  

So, I came home that day and googled the shows and tried to fein some interest.  I really want to bond with my friends a little bit better and like the things they like but there is no way I can get into that.  My mind does not have area for TV shows or things like that.   It is like I can't compute.  I guess I am going to have to find a different kind of common ground to bond with my coworkers.

Then I started to think about it a bit more.  I suppose they might make fun of me, if they realized how many zombie books I have read in my life or how many political geek books I can devour.  What normal person does that?  How one of my dreams is to go to Comic con or to a Star Trek Convention.   I bet they have no part in their brain to deal with my oddities either, yet we are still friends.

The one thing we have in common is our desire to take care of people.  We are all in the same business to make people better and I think that might be more important than what we like entertainment wise.

Maybe this is what made us all friends in the first place and bonds us together, this love of people and making sure they are healthy and well.  I guess my musings about who I am and what I stand for was shaken at first because I assumed everyone liked the same things I did.  Wrong.

Now, I am glad that everyone likes something different and we can all gather for a common cause in our chosen work and become closer regardless of our differences.  To be honest I am glad they still like me even though I am a total nerd.

Even though I was shaken at first that I was somehow wrong or strange because I was not like everyone else.  Then I realized that being a bit different was just fine and that everyone is a little bit different.  I also realized that I should have known this anyway.  I am a full grown woman for gosh sakes.

Anyway, thought I would share and update you one what is up.  Trying to balance working more and blogging.  Kinda a difficult balance.  I do enjoy blogging but it does take an amount of brain power and wit that gets eaten up with a 40 hour a work week and all the things I need to do as a housewife.

My goal is to blog on the weekends now.  I hope that will satisfy my blogging needs and keep you all entertained.