The rainbow and all that it brings

I keep thinking what the impact of this 50 states of gay marriage will have on our culture here in America.  I wonder what changes it will bring?  

I keep hearing that all religions will be changed forever and that since no church can refuse a gay marriage request inside its sanctuary, that if a church does refuse, that church will loose its ability to claim its tax free exemption.  

I am not sure, if I understand this concept or not.  I think that means the church would not be able to continue because it would not be able to afford to exist.  In essence many churches would simply go away because they could not afford to dkeep their doors open.  Either stand by their principals or close their doors.  

So, if I understand this right, many religions would have to change their dogma or cease to exist as we know them.  Do I understand this right?  Not sure, if I do.  

Not sure how I feel about that.  I think that all churches have a right to stand how they have been standing and believe how they believe.  Teach what they teach and marry whom they want to marry.  Just like everyone has the right to marry who they want to marry.  I think it is kinda presumptuous of folks to want to marry in a church where they are not welcome.  I would never force my way into a synagogue or a mosque simply because I thought it was a nice venue.  I would want to marry in a place where I felt the presence of my God.  Then again that is me.  Maybe, I misunderstand.  I am sure I am missing something. Right?

Even now, I am a non active member of my church.  I cannot attend or even go into my temple because I am not in good standing.  I would not assume to push my way in because I know I am not worthy to enter.  The church deems me not worthy and I accept.  I do not rail against my church in anger.  I have a choice after all to follow my churches dogma 100 percent or to not.  I chose to follow my heart and I know my choice is sound.

I wonder what the new law will bring?  Will this law bring peace or will it bring chaos? Time will tell. This will get really interesting really fast.  

I hope in my deepest hope this new law brings peace.  In my logical heart I know that this will not happen.  I think this is just the tip of the iceberg.  I can only pray that we will all be smart enough to not be idiots about the whole thing.  I still am naive enough to have hope.  

I have been told that there is a movement to bring a certain or 100 percent androgyny to almost all aspect of our life.  For example, same sex bathrooms, same sex clothing and the list goes on.  I wonder what that would be like?  

I am not sure I am ready to change into my scrubs with my male co-workers yet.  I wonder, if I am allowed to call them male anymore?  I wonder, if I am allowed to call myself female?  Anyway, not ready to disrobe in front of people I formally thought of as male or go to the bathroom next to one of them.  I might forever be constipated and unable to fart ever again.  Besides, I take great pains in hiding my celluloid ass from my male or what I identify as male co-workers.  What would I do, if they actually saw how bumpy my ass really was?  Oh the horror!!!!

I think I would miss wearing pretty clothes that were feminine and made me feel like a girl.  Just the thought makes me sad.   I don't want to wear shapeless gray clothes.  I really don't.  I pray things don't come to that, I really do.  Besides, who really wants to wear battleship gray with a bra that does not support you or uplift your breast in any sort of definable way?  I just had a thought....what, if you are not allowed to shave or wax?  No!!!!!! Wearing gray and being hairy in all the wrong places?  I think I would rather not.  Thank you.  

OK, I might be going on and on here.  I know I am.  I am truly interested in this culture shift and what will happen.  Now that we have opened this new box of rainbows, will we find the pot of gold or will we forever look for it?  I wonder. What do you think?

Gay Marriage

Gay Marriage.  You know what?  I am really happy that Gay Marriage is legal in all 50 states.  I am.  I don't care who knows it.  

I am going to spill a few truths about me and my husband.  Back in 2008, our church held this campaign to pass prop 108.  It was the proposition to oppose Gay Marriage. I think it was prop 108.  Anyway, we were really active in our church and attended all our meetings and were obedient to every commandment that was given to us.  

Then one day at church they started to ask us to call people and tell them to vote for prop 108 and place these signs in our yards.  We just looked at each other.  There were no words said because we both thought it was ridiculous.  Who does this sort of thing to other people?  Not me or my husband, that is for sure.  

We took the signs and the phone bank numbers and as soon as we got home we threw them in the trash.  There was no way were going to participate in this madness.  This was the first time we were disobedient to our church and what they asked of us. 

We explained to our daughter (my daughter, his stepdaughter.  We think of her as our daughter) that people can't help who they love.  That God made everyone and he made Gay people just like he made Heterosexual people too.  We told her that at one time our church practiced polygamy and had to explain what that was and that in order for Utah to become a state we had to ban that practice because the rest of America found it distasteful and abhorrent.  

Not that I would ever practice polygamy.  I am kinda selfish and really am not the type to be able to share a husband.  Yet, there are many women better than me and able to do that kind of thing.  God love them. Besides there were days, when I was working full time and an Officer of the union and doing charity work, church work and a full time mom I would have loved a sister wife.  Just saying.  

My husband and I decided it is for God to decide what is right and wrong and not us in the matter of who loves who.  He made everyone.  He made the gays and Heterosexuals so there must be reason right?  Maybe to eventually bring us all together and realize that you just can't help but love who you love and really just love your neighbor like you love yourself.

Besides, isn't it time for our country to stop worrying about what people do with each other sexually, who they marry, what religion they practice and what they do with their genitals and start worrying about things like the terrorists at our door and our constitution being dismantled sentence by sentence.  

I mean there isn't one thing in our constitution about the gays or the heterosexuals.  The bible as it stands has been re-written so many times and torn apart and put back together that I am not sure it resembles anything like the original.  I mean whole books have been missing for centuries.  We know this.  Everyone knows this.  

Who is to say that the gays were not just fine in the original bible but cut out and the other stuff patched in.  We will never know.  That is why I think this kind of stuff be left to God and God alone.  My heart tells me to just be good and love everyone no matter what.  To forgive people no matter what.  I don't have to agree with them or like what they have done but I do have to find some peace, so I can go on.  

Yes, there are some intolerable things, like rape, incest, murder, crazy crap that makes no sense...etc but for the most part who you love  just does not fit into any of the stuff that makes you turn your back on someone or tell them you cannot marry them or love them.  

So, I say let this one go people.  Yes, I agree there might be some things that follow that will be weird like churches loosing their tax exempt status but I am sure in the long run things will work out.  I don't agree with not having a say with what children are being taught in schools and think that parents should be able to have the right to teach their children in their own way about who loves who in their own way.  

Don't get me wrong my conservative friends.  I am still so very conservative and hardly am swayed but this is one thing I just can't go there for.  I believe in love and to me there is nothing more important than love.  

I have often looked at my husband and asked him why I love him.  He looks at me and says, I have no idea.  He then asks me why does he love me.  I tell him that I am amazing, beautiful, smart and perfect.  This always gets couch pillows tossed my way but he laughs while he throws them.  There is no telling why people really love each other.  They just do.  Just because people have the same genitalia does not make it wrong.

My own daughter is attracted to people of her own sex and I don't care.  I simply want her to be happy and find someone to love her completely and be there for her.  To be fulfilled with a companion like everyone else.  What is so horrible about that?

Our church would have her marry a man and have children with him even, if she does not love him.  They would have her marry a man who loves men and then they would seem to cancel out what ever makes them wrong in the eyes of the church and make a life together.  I suppose that would be living a lie.  Is that worse?  To me that is worse.  

They would have children together and raise their children to believe their parents truly love each other.  Most likely, their children would be gay, since it is most likely genetic and everyone would be more confused and more unhappy.  Living unhappy and very sad lives.  I don't get it.  

So, after our daughter, came out of the closet, we decided that going to church was not in her or our best interest anymore.  We decided to support her 100%.  Kind of a small hill to stand on but the love of a child always trumps a church every time.  To be honest my love, our love of Heavenly Father has never died but we chose our daughter over dogma and we choose love every time.    

We stand by this Decision by the Supreme Court even though it is not a popular one with our friends or our church. However, I am so past caring what everyone thinks.  

I might regret this but what do you think?

Middle age blows

I have noticed that in the mornings my tummy is relatively flat for a roundish kinda girl.  As the day goes on my tummy gets bigger and bigger.  I am telling you in looks like I have a tumor.  

I slip into my jeans in the morning.  I can see my feet.  I can't wear a graphic T-shirt or anything yet, but my clothes are looking much better.  By the end of the day it looks like I am hiding a basketball under my top or a beer belly.  

I have no idea what is up with the expanding belly.  I have even measured my waist in the morning and by 3PM it can be three inches bigger.  No, joke.  I know this because I have measured it and its like there is this inflating balloon that just pumps up all the sudden and my panties roll down at the same time.  So, totally uncomfortable and it really annoys me and is very uncomfortable.  I wish I could wear a thong again.  Thongs don't roll down.  However, I am way to old and way to fat to wear a thong.  I just could not to that to any emergency workers that would happen to rescue me on the street.  Way to traumatizing for everyone involved.  

It does not matter how much weight I loose or what I am eating, it happens every day not matter what.  I have come to call my afternoon friend, Fred my flabby friend.  

By the morning Fred is gone and the whole process starts all over again.  I have been talking to women around my age and it seems to be a trend for a lot of us.  Of course, there are those who have won the genetic lottery and their stomachs  remain flat and trim.  In theory I am happy for them but in reality I hate them.

So, I ask you, do any of you out there have this evening tummy thing?  I am curious.  Because I literally have to change my clothes in the evening from pants with a waist and button to yoga pants.  Not that I don't love my yoga pants but really?  

So, far middle age sucks ass and I hate it.  The only good thing so far is that my daughter is no longer stealing my socks because she does not live here.  I finally have matching socks all the time.  That is the only good thing about middle age so far.  However, I think I would rather have my daughter here and have mismatched socks.  The only good thing is really not that good.  

I mean, the thickening body, the aches, the pains, the strange woman body processes, the memory weirdness and everything else that goes along with it because I am middle aged and I have forgot to write it down.  Old age is looking worse and worse.  Who wants this crap.  Not me.  Do you?

I am glad I decided a long time ago that I refused to be an old person.  OK, I know I have no choice but I am not going down without a fight.  Haha, sure.  I am going to be the little old lady who is the frailest of them all.  Yay, me.  

Alright, I am kidding, kinda.  I can see how women get all addicted to plastic surgery and wear inappropriate younger clothes and stuff like that.  I can see that now.  I won't be that girl, I will be the best older girl I can be but really really pissed about it.  

If I could have a cause to fight against this would be it.  Middle and old age instead of all the other crap that is out there.  I could picket this and feel good about it.  Hell no, Middle age, I won't go!!!  

Bah!!! There is nothing that can be done but to just let it happen with has much grace and humor as possible.  I suppose that is the best I can do.  Maybe just one picket sign for fun.  Sigh.  

Some times what life throws at you really sucks

So, I really have not felt the blog love lately.  Not even a little bit.  To be honest every time I sat down to blog something else has been on my mind that has pushed all thoughts of anything else off the blog page.  

Anyway, I posted on Facebook the other day that I was in a non blogging mood.  One of my work friends asked me what was up.  She had wondered were my nonsensical blog musings had gone.  I told her.  She told me to blog about it because it was real and people like real stuff.  OK then, here goes.  

A few years ago I had an ablation.  I had my endometrial lining burned away.  That is the lining inside your uterus.  Kinda cool.  The end result was basically no more periods or a teeny tiny one every so often that required no pad or bother at all.  Lasted a half of a day at the very most.  The period symptoms, like cramps and all that goes with it was not as bad as before and my life was 100% better.  I was one happy me.  

Then the brain tumor and the brain tumor resection and all the stuff that followed.  I feel great now.  I really do.  Except one thing.  Now, I have periods again.  WTF!!!  I have no idea what that Neurosurgeon did to my pituitary gland but now I am like a teenager all over.  

I really don't think the surgeon did anything bad, I just think my pituitary gland and other stimulated secretions had a mind of their own and decided that they wanted to mess with me some more and this was how they were going to do it.  Teenage periods that are monumental and monstrous.  I need diapers.  I have cramps that bring me to my knees and not that I wasn't crazy before, I am certifiable now.   After years of feeling like a human being, I am now a hormonal  a 13 year old.  I even get zits.  

I had been going through the normal Peri-menopausal stuff.  You know, hot flashes, absent mindedness, short temper and all that goes with it but now I get all that stuff and the 13 year old crap too.  Lucky me.  The joy and dancing that is abounding in my home.   I had to purchase maxi pads with wings that look like diapers for nighttime wear and all sorts of products that I never thought I would ever need at my advanced age.  

My husband is overjoyed as well.  He can't wait to cuddle up to me in my sexy nightgown with a diaper on.  Not.  Also, to point out that my lady parts are off limit for at least two weeks every month now due to my second teenage revolution.  Yes, he love that.  Not, again.  What bothers me the most is why do I have to have this part of teenager hood ?  Why can't I have the great ass or perfect boobs?  This seems so completely unfair.  I protest.  

So, this has been swirling in my head for the last couple of weeks.  My body is a crap storm and I just have to let it happen.  That is the way life goes...at least with women stuff.  My husbands grandmother told me that is the way it is and no amount of "Doctoring" will ever fix it.  I now believe her.  

Now that I have vented about my normal life processes and told you that I need to wear a diaper for two weeks every month.  I feel better.  Sorry, you now have this hideous visual of my new reality.   I hope your not completely scared and need therapy.  

As always, I enjoy letting you know all about my insanely normal life.  Hope this one did not disappoint.  

What is a Witch?

What makes a witch?  Then lets say, what is a witch?  By definition a witch is a woman who is supposed to have evil or wicked magical powers. I tend to believe that a witch is either born or made.  That some witches are born with a gift or gifts of the supernatural and others learn to divine the supernatural.  

I always giggle when Glenda the good witch of the North asks Dorthy, if she is a good witch or a bad witch.  What does that mean anyway?  Aren't we all a little good and bad?  I don't think I have known anyone completely good or bad.  Have you?  Known anyone truly good or bad?   

I have known many men and women who are so connected to the other side of the supernatural world that the hairs on the back of your neck rise up upon speaking or meeting with them.  They give you this feeling that they are not quite really here in this world.  That perhaps they have one foot here in our world and one foot in the other world.  It is like they look at you but are looking right through you.  I know, shivers and everything, right?  

I am not sure, if I would say these folks are witches, then again I am not sure.  They seem to know your soul and heal what hurts you instantly.  Is this a witch?  A healer or is this a wicked cursed soul?  The bible say, thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.  I paraphrased that.  Does it mean a healing witch or the baby sacrificing witches.  Does it mean just the girl witches or the boy witches as well?  The bible is not very specific or very defining on the witch thing as far as I am concerned.  

I love these folks.  They give me hope in our genome.  I mean, if you think about what we used to be before technology was our everyday thing.  We had to depend on our senses to survive.  So, a person who was genetically gifted in the sixth sense would be kinda valuable.  This all is now lost to the new and incoming people that are born with this inner knowledge of technology and computers.  These old souls seem to be connected to nature somehow instead of TV's and computers.  I kinda like that.  

Do I think witches are evil?  Not all of them are evil.  I am sure that some of them are evil.  Just like some of us are evil.  I suppose that the ones that sacrifice babies or cats are evil.  You know, the black mass kinda witches.  However, the ones that heal and do good are not evil, just like those of us that do good are not evil. Besides, I have never known anyone that has ever scarified a cat before.  Well, it has never come up in an everyday conversation.  I am very grateful for that.  Hey, Bob, what did you do last weekend?  Oh, we had a cat sacrificing party.  Conversation killer, big time.  

Just a thought here, have you ever seen a Satan based church?  I never have.  I drive by a rows and rows of churches all the time.  Methodists next to Catholic, next to Mormon and so on, yet I have never seen a church dedicated to Satan.  Not once, ever, good thing, I might get in an accident, if I did.  What would that look like?  A big black church with a pentagon on the roof?  ICKY.  

Not that these places do not exist.  I just have not seen them.  Kinda glad I have not seen them.  I mean do they have flyer's for family night or potlucks?  Creepy, if they do.  Just saying.  Can you imagine, come to our Satan potluck on Tuesday night, bring your favorite baby back ribs.  OK, that was kinda gross.   OK, worse, bring a guest and a friend and we will eat them or sacrifice them.  Your choice.  Loads of fun!!! So, not funny.....not.  Kinda funny.  

I am not sure why they don't have a building for their services.  I mean human sacrifices are illegal and all.  I guess they would need to have a secret building or a lair or something.  So, I guess a black witch mass would need to be held in secret as well.   I really am clueless about this sort of stuff.  Just thinking out lout here.  

Anyway, pretty sure that a black witch and a person who is a white witch are completely different people.  I think one renounces Christ completely and the other one simply loves all that is good and right with our world and does their best to heal the sick and suffering while the other is in it for their own self gain.

I guess I am thinking about this because I turned on the television today and saw a program about this witch in the early colonization of America.  She was murdered because she was surviving when all the others were not, so they killed her.  She lived alone, gathered what she needed and fended for herself and sold herbs to the towns people and bought what she could not get for herself.  So, they killed her for begin prepared.  Makes perfect sense...not.  

Just got me to thinking what the heck did she do that was so horrible?  She was solitary and self sufficient and a women who never married.  So, therefore a witch?  A servant of Satan?  Apparently so, because in 1692, they killed her for it.  

She was said to have cursed the town for all time and the rock she died on.  Some say this is true.  Some say this is not true.  I don't know, I think I might have done a bit of cursing, if I was her.  I would have been pissed.  Then again, I hope I would have forgiven them at the very end for being idiots and went to heaven all peaceful like.  Then again, who knows, this is me I am talking about, I can be a bit unpredictable, when cornered.  

So, what do you think?  What is a witch?  Is this only for women?  Should we kill all witches as the bible commands us to regardless, if they are evil or not?  

Today at the Vet Office

OK..let me back track a bit.  The Vet that misdiagnosed Pookie, called me last week and wanted to know how she was doing.  I told her the good news that Pookie was fully recovered and doing well.  She wanted me to bring her in to see her regular Vet this week for a re-check.  Um, OK...I can do that.

She again asked me, if my Husband and I had been smoking marijuana and gave any to Pookie.  Again, I told her we did no,  we do no drugs nor did we force feed our dog drugs.  She asked again, if we fed her snail bait.  Again, I told her no.

I made an appointment with her for the other Vet.  She asked me to make sure I came to the appointment or to make sure I cancel in advance.  She asked me to not be a no show and then come  months later without an appointment and expect to be seen.  What I weird thing to say, I thought.

I was really insulted by her words and her attitude.  Every dealing I have had with this person has infuriated me.  Not only was she an idiot and unable to help my dog in any way, she was insulting to me and my husband.  She could not even do a simple drug calculation for my dog in my presence because it required her to do math in her head.  She had to leave the room and use a calculator.

I wonder why she would think I would not come to my appointment?  Why she would insist that my husband and I were lying and forcing our dog to eat marijuana?  We don't look like drug users or people that skip out on appointments?  In fact, we look like the basic boring steady middle aged couple that does everything they are supposed to all the time.  What made her think this of us?

I wonder about practitioners like her.  I suppose she did well in school.  She probably had straight A's.  Was accepted into all the best schools and took tests well, however she is completely vacant.  A souls meat sac.  Just because you can recall information does not mean you are a good Doctor.  Just because you can take a test and get a good grade does not mean you can save a life or make the right diagnosis.  Nope, I will take the person who has that certain gift that only God gives those who heal and gets a C over her kind any day.

I brought Pookie in to her Vet today.  The Vet that was on vacation.  The Staff was amazed that she was healed and happy.     I told them that I loved her into health.  I hand fed and watered her.  I carried her around in a baby sling and  treated her like a 28 week neonate for ten days.  Then her Vet asked me, if I had given her snail bet. WTF?  Again?  I looked at him like I might eviscerate him.  He stepped back a few feet into the wall and I saw him gulp a few times.  Yes, be afraid be very afraid.  This is my baby your talking about.

I told him and his staff to never let that other Vet ever touch my baby again and tell me, if he is ever going out of town again.  I didn't tell them I gave that VET a bad YELP review or I called the Vet board review on her.  I just smiled and was polite because that is what I do best.  Smile and then stab you in the brachial artery while I am doing it.  Then watch you bleed out and make sure there is no mess.  Such joy in the small things.  Oh, did I just write that out loud?  Oops.

Best thing, is that Pookie is better.  Next best thing is that Vet has a small but meaningful mark against her.  I suppose that should not make me feel better but it does.

Am I wrong to be so vengeful about harm done to whom I consider my family?  Or am I just being ridiculous?  Should I just trust blindly in those with the Doctor tag and believe that they are the ones to know everything and do as they suggest?  Or should I follow my instants and experience and knowledge base?  What do you think?

Thou Shalt Not Covet

Thou Shalt Not Covet:

One of the big ten, the Ten Commandments, you know from the bible.  The Christian ten, the holy ten, at least I hope you have heard of them.

I guess I didn't really understand what they meant until after my divorce.  I was still a Labor and Delivery Nurse and highly unsatisfied with everything in my life.  I could not figure out why I had nothing and everyone else had everything.  What I did not realize at the time was that I had everything and everyone else had nothing.  I just did not know it.

What do I mean that I thought everyone had everything and I had nothing?  I was focused on material things, houses, vacations, clothes and everything else.   What I did not see was the most precocious thing right in front of me.  My perfect daughter, My amazing family and a wonderful profession.

So, there was this colleague of mine.  She was blond, skinny, petite and seemed to have everything.  Everything I did not have.  She had a husband that adored her, a beautiful home and worked part-time.  She also had this purse.  I had never seen a purse like this.  It was a black coach purse, a bucket style.  I wanted it so bad I could taste it.  So shiny and black.  It was the perfect purse.  I thought what do I have to do to get a purse like that.

In my previous life I had never thought of having a designer purse.  I am not like that now.  I suppose I had not thought I was worth it nor elite enough in the hierarchy of women to be deemed worthy enough nor beautiful to own such a thing.

I know I am worthy now.  I am worthy of anything I deem I am worthy of.  However, this is not about that.  What this is about is how we covet.  I have changed.  Oh, I said that.  This purse made me covet in a way I had never coveted before.  I was obsessed.

What I learned in my trials and tribulations of life, love and everything else was that the more we want, the more we desire a thing over who we love or what is important in our world or lives makes us less.   I saw this big shiny purse and wanted it above so many other things that was important or relevant in my life.

What woke me up?  I finally had this one brief moment of clarity.  This moment involved my daughters beautiful face.  I finally got it.  BAM!!!

It was like fire from heaven.  God gave me something in a moment that I will never forget.  God gave me a gift.  He gave me this whisper.  He tickled in my ear with his words. He said, stop wanting.  Stop wanting things.  Give up wanting things or selfish desires and completely focus on the Lord and your only child.  Give your heart and soul to the Lord and all will be well.  OK?  I did that.  I gave my heart to the Lord 100%.  I trusted in him and gave my life to him with my whole heart.

What did I get?  I got a life of reward beyond imagination.  Showers of blessings that only Hollywood could show.  I would simply think of a desire and I would be given this wish.  I do not believe that asking God for things is appropriate.  I do my best to not wish for anything or desire anything for myself because this would be wrong in my world.  I simply want to be happy and give God all the glory in everything I earn, do, am given or say.  Yet, the blessings keep coming.  I am so humbled by my blessings.

So, I say to everyone who desires a world of wealth, blessing or abundance.  I say give your deepest wish or prayer to Heavenly Father and give him the glory in everything  that happens in your life.  He will bless you beyond all imagination.

Maybe not the blessing your thinking of.  Perhaps, blessing of contentment, or joy.  Who knows what Heavenly Father has in store for you.  I think in my case, I had done without for so long and with so little that God decided that a few material things would be OK in my case.  Besides, once I gave myself over to it all, the happiness was the best byproduct ever.

If I knew then that I would have a life of such wonders and treasures and care less that I had them, I would have told you that would be crazy.  I could care less that my bank account is heaving and my purses have designer labels and my jewelry is from a store that I love.  Yes, all these things are very nice but what is important is that I have a God that is in his heaven and he guides my life and loves me, a Husband that is steadfast and good to me and will never leave me, a daughter that is awesome and is on her way to living her life the way she wants to live it.   I am a women who is wealthy beyond measure and does not care one measure her wealth with dollar signs.

I say, give up what you hold most dear, the things that you think make you work.  Not the people or the feelings, just the things.  You will be a better person for it, I promise.

I learned that to covet really does not do anyone any good other than once you stop coveting you become a better person and you learn that all that glitters in not gold.