My Dearest and Best friend is a boy

I have a friend that I have had since I was very young.  To be honest one of the best friends I have ever had is a man.  

When I was a girl, I was a cheerleader not confident my self worth was about a zero.  One summer, we were practicing during hell week (The week or so before school starts that the Cheer squad and the football team spend all their time practicing for the upcoming season.  It is hot and the hours are long.  Hence,  the name, hell week.) The football team came to check us out.  There was a young man on the team who was very friendly toward me and patted my little bottom.  I immediately kicked his ass and told him to stop.  

I never thought I was worthy of any male attention and considered myself so ugly and gigantic that I thought he was making fun of me.  He wasn't but I thought he was.  I had no idea that he liked me and wanted to date me.  I could not even fathom a young man being interested in me, so instead he became my friend.  

We became very close over the years and to this day, we are still very attached.  We have both been married and divorced.  We have both had one child each.  He had a boy and I had a girl.  He had one long term relationship after his divorce that lasted 18 years.  During that time, we did not really speak to each other because of the one and only fight we had.  Stupid really but I still considered him my dearest friend even though he was being a complete dick about our little misunderstanding.  

During his divorce, I told him to grow up and get over it.  He did not like that.  He thought I was siding with his soon to be former wife.  He misunderstood me and I was to tired dealing with my failing marriage to tell him otherwise.  

There was only one time that I thought that I might want to be more than his friend.  I had this deep feeling to call him and start a relationship.  Usually,when I have a feeling like that, I need to follow it.  I called him and he was still being a dick.  Also, he was with his girlfriend of 18 years.  I let it go and have not ever had that feeling again.  It was one time and lasted one day.  Very odd and unsettling.  I am glad that we never got together in that way because sex always ruins friendships.   

He contacted me after he saw a psychic with his girlfriend.  She told him that, when Teri came back into his life, his girlfriend would leave him.  It was weird because I had just friended him on Facebook the week before and his girlfriend left him that week for an old boyfriend.  Talk about happenstance.  

Anyway, I was married to my current husband and my friend of a million years needed me to get through a second breakup of horrendous proportions.  It took sometime but my friend got through it with a little help from me and beer.  

Best thing ever, we picked up were we left off.  It was like no time had passed.  We still love the same things.  Anything nerdy or just a bit off is good and I can tell him anything and I know he will never judge me.  He is better than a brother and more than a friend.  

My friend has always been there for me and I have always been there for him.  Sometimes it is difficult the boundaries because I tend to be very conservative in my relationships with men.  He is my only male friend that I will talk to more than five minutes.  

Oh, my five minute rule.  Since I am married, I have this rule.  No real conversations with men lasting longer than five minutes or any alone time with any man who is not related to me.  I bend the rules for him.  I would love to spend more time with him but I respect my husband and my marriage way to much for that.  My friend is also as conservative as I am and respects my rules as much as I do.  So, we keep our friendship respectable and contained within the boundaries of social norms and convention.  

Sometimes, there are things I want to share with him and go places with him and wish he was a women and could just go and do whatever we wanted to.  However, that would not be proper nor right.   So, we talk to each other on the phone about every two months and text about every other week or so.  I always tell my husband everything. I have no secrets.  Secrets are wrong.  

In fact, my husband is glad I have a friend that I actually like and trust, even though he is a man.  He never does say go and do things with my friend.  I know he likes my prudish nature because he has the same tendencies.  I know he trusts that I would never ever be unfaithful in my heart or my body but he respects me more for being so careful and trustful of his love towards me.  

As for my friend, he is the best person I know other than the man I am married to.  He loves me just because I am who I am and does not care how I look or how fat I get.  He loves my heart and my soul because that is what I love about him.  I love that about him.  I guess because we are not going to ever be together in "that way" it really does not matter but it is so nice to know that there is someone out there that just gets me and always has.  Besides I think I am the only one that gets him.  

My friend has given up his dreams and his ambition for his first love and his second love and now he has given up his freedom for his parents.  I can't think of a more caring and wonderful person than my friend.  I have learned what it means to be unconditional and giving from him.  I know that I can always find solace and acceptance in my friends care.  We can all learn from him.  I am constantly humbled my him.  If only, I was a tenth as good as him.  

When my friend found his first love, I was so happy.  I loved her just as much as I loved him.  She was my sister.  Then she was unfaithful.  I hated her.  No one messes with my people.  Yet, I gave my friend tough love, when I should have held him and gave him vodka instead.  If only, I could erase my mistake.  

I hope that you all are as blessed and able to have at least one good life long friend as I have had.  May you be able to love deeply as I have had this one friend and hold them dear.  Of course, I have other friends but none that I have known like this one.  None, like my oldest and dearest friend.