I have a friend that I have had since I was very young. To be honest one of the best friends I have ever had is a man.
When I was a girl, I was a cheerleader not confident my self worth was about a zero. One summer, we were practicing during hell week (The week or so before school starts that the Cheer squad and the football team spend all their time practicing for the upcoming season. It is hot and the hours are long. Hence, the name, hell week.) The football team came to check us out. There was a young man on the team who was very friendly toward me and patted my little bottom. I immediately kicked his ass and told him to stop.
I never thought I was worthy of any male attention and considered myself so ugly and gigantic that I thought he was making fun of me. He wasn't but I thought he was. I had no idea that he liked me and wanted to date me. I could not even fathom a young man being interested in me, so instead he became my friend.
We became very close over the years and to this day, we are still very attached. We have both been married and divorced. We have both had one child each. He had a boy and I had a girl. He had one long term relationship after his divorce that lasted 18 years. During that time, we did not really speak to each other because of the one and only fight we had. Stupid really but I still considered him my dearest friend even though he was being a complete dick about our little misunderstanding.
During his divorce, I told him to grow up and get over it. He did not like that. He thought I was siding with his soon to be former wife. He misunderstood me and I was to tired dealing with my failing marriage to tell him otherwise.
There was only one time that I thought that I might want to be more than his friend. I had this deep feeling to call him and start a relationship. Usually,when I have a feeling like that, I need to follow it. I called him and he was still being a dick. Also, he was with his girlfriend of 18 years. I let it go and have not ever had that feeling again. It was one time and lasted one day. Very odd and unsettling. I am glad that we never got together in that way because sex always ruins friendships.
He contacted me after he saw a psychic with his girlfriend. She told him that, when Teri came back into his life, his girlfriend would leave him. It was weird because I had just friended him on Facebook the week before and his girlfriend left him that week for an old boyfriend. Talk about happenstance.
Anyway, I was married to my current husband and my friend of a million years needed me to get through a second breakup of horrendous proportions. It took sometime but my friend got through it with a little help from me and beer.
Best thing ever, we picked up were we left off. It was like no time had passed. We still love the same things. Anything nerdy or just a bit off is good and I can tell him anything and I know he will never judge me. He is better than a brother and more than a friend.
My friend has always been there for me and I have always been there for him. Sometimes it is difficult the boundaries because I tend to be very conservative in my relationships with men. He is my only male friend that I will talk to more than five minutes.
Oh, my five minute rule. Since I am married, I have this rule. No real conversations with men lasting longer than five minutes or any alone time with any man who is not related to me. I bend the rules for him. I would love to spend more time with him but I respect my husband and my marriage way to much for that. My friend is also as conservative as I am and respects my rules as much as I do. So, we keep our friendship respectable and contained within the boundaries of social norms and convention.
Sometimes, there are things I want to share with him and go places with him and wish he was a women and could just go and do whatever we wanted to. However, that would not be proper nor right. So, we talk to each other on the phone about every two months and text about every other week or so. I always tell my husband everything. I have no secrets. Secrets are wrong.
In fact, my husband is glad I have a friend that I actually like and trust, even though he is a man. He never does say go and do things with my friend. I know he likes my prudish nature because he has the same tendencies. I know he trusts that I would never ever be unfaithful in my heart or my body but he respects me more for being so careful and trustful of his love towards me.
As for my friend, he is the best person I know other than the man I am married to. He loves me just because I am who I am and does not care how I look or how fat I get. He loves my heart and my soul because that is what I love about him. I love that about him. I guess because we are not going to ever be together in "that way" it really does not matter but it is so nice to know that there is someone out there that just gets me and always has. Besides I think I am the only one that gets him.
My friend has given up his dreams and his ambition for his first love and his second love and now he has given up his freedom for his parents. I can't think of a more caring and wonderful person than my friend. I have learned what it means to be unconditional and giving from him. I know that I can always find solace and acceptance in my friends care. We can all learn from him. I am constantly humbled my him. If only, I was a tenth as good as him.
When my friend found his first love, I was so happy. I loved her just as much as I loved him. She was my sister. Then she was unfaithful. I hated her. No one messes with my people. Yet, I gave my friend tough love, when I should have held him and gave him vodka instead. If only, I could erase my mistake.
I hope that you all are as blessed and able to have at least one good life long friend as I have had. May you be able to love deeply as I have had this one friend and hold them dear. Of course, I have other friends but none that I have known like this one. None, like my oldest and dearest friend.
Friday, July 3, 2015
Happy Fourth of July Everyone
I keep thinking about America. We truly are an amazing nation that came from people who wanted to practice their faith and have some control over their lives. They managed to start what became America. The greatest country in the world in democracy for over two centuries and done a pretty good job so far, I think.
Yes, there were bad things, the decimation of the American Indians culture and the stealing of their lands. The enslavement of a people, yet America corrected itself in the long run and did it's best to make amends. Not perfectly but what do you expect? America is made up of people and people are so far from perfect.
I am proud to be an American. Even though our country is in a world of crap right now with our constitution and the first amendments being thwarted and ignored daily I still love our country and don't think there is another place like it any where.
I keep thinking that with all things change is inevitable and eventually we as a people will evolve and come out the other end better. At least I hope we will.
I keep thinking that when the Romans came to the British Isles and never left. They brought their many Gods and then they brought Christianity. The Druid faith was decimated along with their altars, idols and way of life. The Roman Christians even incorporated their holidays into the Druid holidays so the Druids would accept them more readily. It worked. Eventually the transition was seamless and everyone was a Christian and, if you weren't you were burned at the stake. Will something like this happen to us in America or has it already started to happen?
I keep wondering what is going to happen in between the now and the then but I guess I get to live through it all or maybe I will be dead by the time it has finished. I hope I can manage to keep my head about me and still remain true to my truest heart. I hope that no one bends a knee to the beast for a chocolate bar or a pair of stockings. I sure hope I don't.
There are some things I just can't let happen. I won't let anyone mess with my Daughter, ever. I wont ever deny God, just try and make me. Don't ever tell me who to love. Do not get in between me and my husband. These are the draw the line in the sand thing. Just saying.
So, even though our American culture has changed drastically since it's inception and is truly changing now, I am very happy to be here and am still very proud to be an American. I am grateful and feel more than blessed for all the opportunity that I have had and taken advantage of in my life here.
I was abandoned at birth in a county hospital and lucky enough to be adopted by a wonderful family. I took every opportunity that was offered and made something of myself. I am really not all that much but at least I have an education and can take care of myself, if I have to. That is what America is all about...opportunity. The pursuit of happiness....how cool is that?
So, take a moment on this fourth of July, if you will and thank God that we are lucky enough to have America and our Constitution because we are truly the greatest and most blessed country there is.
Yes, there were bad things, the decimation of the American Indians culture and the stealing of their lands. The enslavement of a people, yet America corrected itself in the long run and did it's best to make amends. Not perfectly but what do you expect? America is made up of people and people are so far from perfect.
I am proud to be an American. Even though our country is in a world of crap right now with our constitution and the first amendments being thwarted and ignored daily I still love our country and don't think there is another place like it any where.
I keep thinking that with all things change is inevitable and eventually we as a people will evolve and come out the other end better. At least I hope we will.
I keep thinking that when the Romans came to the British Isles and never left. They brought their many Gods and then they brought Christianity. The Druid faith was decimated along with their altars, idols and way of life. The Roman Christians even incorporated their holidays into the Druid holidays so the Druids would accept them more readily. It worked. Eventually the transition was seamless and everyone was a Christian and, if you weren't you were burned at the stake. Will something like this happen to us in America or has it already started to happen?
I keep wondering what is going to happen in between the now and the then but I guess I get to live through it all or maybe I will be dead by the time it has finished. I hope I can manage to keep my head about me and still remain true to my truest heart. I hope that no one bends a knee to the beast for a chocolate bar or a pair of stockings. I sure hope I don't.
There are some things I just can't let happen. I won't let anyone mess with my Daughter, ever. I wont ever deny God, just try and make me. Don't ever tell me who to love. Do not get in between me and my husband. These are the draw the line in the sand thing. Just saying.
So, even though our American culture has changed drastically since it's inception and is truly changing now, I am very happy to be here and am still very proud to be an American. I am grateful and feel more than blessed for all the opportunity that I have had and taken advantage of in my life here.
I was abandoned at birth in a county hospital and lucky enough to be adopted by a wonderful family. I took every opportunity that was offered and made something of myself. I am really not all that much but at least I have an education and can take care of myself, if I have to. That is what America is all about...opportunity. The pursuit of happiness....how cool is that?
So, take a moment on this fourth of July, if you will and thank God that we are lucky enough to have America and our Constitution because we are truly the greatest and most blessed country there is.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
A conversation with an Evangelistic Christian
I had this conversation recently with an evangelistic christian. He is a born again christian person and very much against gay marriage. He is also against any faith that is not of his own or the version of bible that he reads and believes is the true word of God.
This person has insinuated that those who do not follow exactly what the word of God said in his version of the bible then you were a sinner. I had to disagree with him. Not that I do not think that most of us run around in a constant state of sin but, really? We are human beings after all and isn't that the point of being human? Learning to become better person, more loving and hopefully go to heaven when we die.
He told me that my daughter was a sinner because she chose to be a homosexual and I was a sinner for questioning the validity of the current written word of God. He said that in the bible it says that, "God said". I told him that really means nothing. That anyone could have written "God said". I told him that in my heart I knew that my daughter was a child of God. That in the end it was not for him nor me to decide who sins or not sins, that it was up to God.
He was absolutely convinced that homosexuals chose to be gay. He said that those people could choose to be heterosexual, if they wanted to live a life out of sin they could do so. I told him I believed that being gay was genetic. He told me there was no proof. I asked him, if there was genetic proof for being heterosexual? There is no answer to any of these questions. There is no proof why people are attracted to whomever they are attracted to. It is just simply is what it is.
I think that, no I believe that God made everyone to be exactly who they are. Just exactly the way they are. I also believe that we choose before we even get here what the basic template of our life will be or look like. We choose who our people will be and our outline of a circumstance. A future can change because it is malleable. No destiny is set in stone but there is always a basic pattern. I guess it depends on whether you want to make a designer gown or a simplicity napkin.
We did agree on a few things. We agreed that anyone with conservative values was being ostracized and prevented from really expressing free speech. Kinda like cold war Russia. You say nothing against the Party or you end up in Siberia. I do feel like that a lot these days. That there is only one agenda with one script and we all must follow or your kicked out of the herd.
We agreed that America or the World is going to go through a lot of growing pains and it is going to be a crazy bumpy ride. I just hope I have enough flexibility of my mind and spirit to get through it all.
So, back to the going to hell thing. I am pretty sure we all blatantly and knowingly sin against God. We all look at the bible or scriptures and think that some or all of them are ridiculous. I did point out to my friend that, if we were to get all literal about everything perhaps we should "Not Suffer a Witch to live." Does that mean we should go around killing all the witches like in old Salem? What about all wives being obedient to their husbands? Are wives supposed to submit completely to our husbands without question?
Oh, yes...Hell. So, we all are a bunch of dirty sinners. Does this mean that we are all going to hell because we knowingly sin? According to my friend we are. Then, I guess we are all going to hell together. I suppose then I will see you there. I wonder, if they have cheese puffs and offer a selection of sodas? Honestly, I hope we all are not going to hell. That would really suck. All this work, prayer and suffering would be for nothing, if hell is the only place we end up. Because it would seem that to be sinless would be relatively impossible. I know I cannot lead a sinless life even with the help of the bible in whatever form it is in.
Perhaps the best we can do, is to pray to God for guidance and listen to the still small voice and know, when he answers us and to follow what we know in our hearts to be true. I am pretty sure we all know what the right thing to do is and the right course of action is. Anyway, that is how I do it. I live my life with a lot of prayer alone and I pray with my husband a lot. Sure there is a bible and scripture reading but first and foremost we/I listen and do our best to do what we are guided to do.
I will admit that guy really got me angry. I don't like being told I will go to hell. Even, if I am going to hell because of something I did or do that is on me. However, I always choose my daughter. I love and support my daughter. That is all there is. She is a gift from God the most precious gift I have ever received. I say let the flames consume me and her for I will not forsake nor let her stand alone.
I do find it sad that there are so many out there that would wish millions of folks to a lifetime of misery simply because they cannot help but love who they love. I will never understand this.
I wonder what any of you would do, if confronted with my situation? Would you stand by your child or abandon them? What would be your answer?
This person has insinuated that those who do not follow exactly what the word of God said in his version of the bible then you were a sinner. I had to disagree with him. Not that I do not think that most of us run around in a constant state of sin but, really? We are human beings after all and isn't that the point of being human? Learning to become better person, more loving and hopefully go to heaven when we die.
He told me that my daughter was a sinner because she chose to be a homosexual and I was a sinner for questioning the validity of the current written word of God. He said that in the bible it says that, "God said". I told him that really means nothing. That anyone could have written "God said". I told him that in my heart I knew that my daughter was a child of God. That in the end it was not for him nor me to decide who sins or not sins, that it was up to God.
He was absolutely convinced that homosexuals chose to be gay. He said that those people could choose to be heterosexual, if they wanted to live a life out of sin they could do so. I told him I believed that being gay was genetic. He told me there was no proof. I asked him, if there was genetic proof for being heterosexual? There is no answer to any of these questions. There is no proof why people are attracted to whomever they are attracted to. It is just simply is what it is.
I think that, no I believe that God made everyone to be exactly who they are. Just exactly the way they are. I also believe that we choose before we even get here what the basic template of our life will be or look like. We choose who our people will be and our outline of a circumstance. A future can change because it is malleable. No destiny is set in stone but there is always a basic pattern. I guess it depends on whether you want to make a designer gown or a simplicity napkin.
We did agree on a few things. We agreed that anyone with conservative values was being ostracized and prevented from really expressing free speech. Kinda like cold war Russia. You say nothing against the Party or you end up in Siberia. I do feel like that a lot these days. That there is only one agenda with one script and we all must follow or your kicked out of the herd.
We agreed that America or the World is going to go through a lot of growing pains and it is going to be a crazy bumpy ride. I just hope I have enough flexibility of my mind and spirit to get through it all.
So, back to the going to hell thing. I am pretty sure we all blatantly and knowingly sin against God. We all look at the bible or scriptures and think that some or all of them are ridiculous. I did point out to my friend that, if we were to get all literal about everything perhaps we should "Not Suffer a Witch to live." Does that mean we should go around killing all the witches like in old Salem? What about all wives being obedient to their husbands? Are wives supposed to submit completely to our husbands without question?
Oh, yes...Hell. So, we all are a bunch of dirty sinners. Does this mean that we are all going to hell because we knowingly sin? According to my friend we are. Then, I guess we are all going to hell together. I suppose then I will see you there. I wonder, if they have cheese puffs and offer a selection of sodas? Honestly, I hope we all are not going to hell. That would really suck. All this work, prayer and suffering would be for nothing, if hell is the only place we end up. Because it would seem that to be sinless would be relatively impossible. I know I cannot lead a sinless life even with the help of the bible in whatever form it is in.
Perhaps the best we can do, is to pray to God for guidance and listen to the still small voice and know, when he answers us and to follow what we know in our hearts to be true. I am pretty sure we all know what the right thing to do is and the right course of action is. Anyway, that is how I do it. I live my life with a lot of prayer alone and I pray with my husband a lot. Sure there is a bible and scripture reading but first and foremost we/I listen and do our best to do what we are guided to do.
I will admit that guy really got me angry. I don't like being told I will go to hell. Even, if I am going to hell because of something I did or do that is on me. However, I always choose my daughter. I love and support my daughter. That is all there is. She is a gift from God the most precious gift I have ever received. I say let the flames consume me and her for I will not forsake nor let her stand alone.
I do find it sad that there are so many out there that would wish millions of folks to a lifetime of misery simply because they cannot help but love who they love. I will never understand this.
I wonder what any of you would do, if confronted with my situation? Would you stand by your child or abandon them? What would be your answer?
Sunday, June 28, 2015
The rainbow and all that it brings
I keep thinking what the impact of this 50 states of gay marriage will have on our culture here in America. I wonder what changes it will bring?
I keep hearing that all religions will be changed forever and that since no church can refuse a gay marriage request inside its sanctuary, that if a church does refuse, that church will loose its ability to claim its tax free exemption.
I am not sure, if I understand this concept or not. I think that means the church would not be able to continue because it would not be able to afford to exist. In essence many churches would simply go away because they could not afford to dkeep their doors open. Either stand by their principals or close their doors.
So, if I understand this right, many religions would have to change their dogma or cease to exist as we know them. Do I understand this right? Not sure, if I do.
Not sure how I feel about that. I think that all churches have a right to stand how they have been standing and believe how they believe. Teach what they teach and marry whom they want to marry. Just like everyone has the right to marry who they want to marry. I think it is kinda presumptuous of folks to want to marry in a church where they are not welcome. I would never force my way into a synagogue or a mosque simply because I thought it was a nice venue. I would want to marry in a place where I felt the presence of my God. Then again that is me. Maybe, I misunderstand. I am sure I am missing something. Right?
Even now, I am a non active member of my church. I cannot attend or even go into my temple because I am not in good standing. I would not assume to push my way in because I know I am not worthy to enter. The church deems me not worthy and I accept. I do not rail against my church in anger. I have a choice after all to follow my churches dogma 100 percent or to not. I chose to follow my heart and I know my choice is sound.
I wonder what the new law will bring? Will this law bring peace or will it bring chaos? Time will tell. This will get really interesting really fast.
I hope in my deepest hope this new law brings peace. In my logical heart I know that this will not happen. I think this is just the tip of the iceberg. I can only pray that we will all be smart enough to not be idiots about the whole thing. I still am naive enough to have hope.
I have been told that there is a movement to bring a certain or 100 percent androgyny to almost all aspect of our life. For example, same sex bathrooms, same sex clothing and the list goes on. I wonder what that would be like?
I am not sure I am ready to change into my scrubs with my male co-workers yet. I wonder, if I am allowed to call them male anymore? I wonder, if I am allowed to call myself female? Anyway, not ready to disrobe in front of people I formally thought of as male or go to the bathroom next to one of them. I might forever be constipated and unable to fart ever again. Besides, I take great pains in hiding my celluloid ass from my male or what I identify as male co-workers. What would I do, if they actually saw how bumpy my ass really was? Oh the horror!!!!
I think I would miss wearing pretty clothes that were feminine and made me feel like a girl. Just the thought makes me sad. I don't want to wear shapeless gray clothes. I really don't. I pray things don't come to that, I really do. Besides, who really wants to wear battleship gray with a bra that does not support you or uplift your breast in any sort of definable way? I just had a thought....what, if you are not allowed to shave or wax? No!!!!!! Wearing gray and being hairy in all the wrong places? I think I would rather not. Thank you.
OK, I might be going on and on here. I know I am. I am truly interested in this culture shift and what will happen. Now that we have opened this new box of rainbows, will we find the pot of gold or will we forever look for it? I wonder. What do you think?
I keep hearing that all religions will be changed forever and that since no church can refuse a gay marriage request inside its sanctuary, that if a church does refuse, that church will loose its ability to claim its tax free exemption.
I am not sure, if I understand this concept or not. I think that means the church would not be able to continue because it would not be able to afford to exist. In essence many churches would simply go away because they could not afford to dkeep their doors open. Either stand by their principals or close their doors.
So, if I understand this right, many religions would have to change their dogma or cease to exist as we know them. Do I understand this right? Not sure, if I do.
Not sure how I feel about that. I think that all churches have a right to stand how they have been standing and believe how they believe. Teach what they teach and marry whom they want to marry. Just like everyone has the right to marry who they want to marry. I think it is kinda presumptuous of folks to want to marry in a church where they are not welcome. I would never force my way into a synagogue or a mosque simply because I thought it was a nice venue. I would want to marry in a place where I felt the presence of my God. Then again that is me. Maybe, I misunderstand. I am sure I am missing something. Right?
Even now, I am a non active member of my church. I cannot attend or even go into my temple because I am not in good standing. I would not assume to push my way in because I know I am not worthy to enter. The church deems me not worthy and I accept. I do not rail against my church in anger. I have a choice after all to follow my churches dogma 100 percent or to not. I chose to follow my heart and I know my choice is sound.
I wonder what the new law will bring? Will this law bring peace or will it bring chaos? Time will tell. This will get really interesting really fast.
I hope in my deepest hope this new law brings peace. In my logical heart I know that this will not happen. I think this is just the tip of the iceberg. I can only pray that we will all be smart enough to not be idiots about the whole thing. I still am naive enough to have hope.
I have been told that there is a movement to bring a certain or 100 percent androgyny to almost all aspect of our life. For example, same sex bathrooms, same sex clothing and the list goes on. I wonder what that would be like?
I am not sure I am ready to change into my scrubs with my male co-workers yet. I wonder, if I am allowed to call them male anymore? I wonder, if I am allowed to call myself female? Anyway, not ready to disrobe in front of people I formally thought of as male or go to the bathroom next to one of them. I might forever be constipated and unable to fart ever again. Besides, I take great pains in hiding my celluloid ass from my male or what I identify as male co-workers. What would I do, if they actually saw how bumpy my ass really was? Oh the horror!!!!
I think I would miss wearing pretty clothes that were feminine and made me feel like a girl. Just the thought makes me sad. I don't want to wear shapeless gray clothes. I really don't. I pray things don't come to that, I really do. Besides, who really wants to wear battleship gray with a bra that does not support you or uplift your breast in any sort of definable way? I just had a thought....what, if you are not allowed to shave or wax? No!!!!!! Wearing gray and being hairy in all the wrong places? I think I would rather not. Thank you.
OK, I might be going on and on here. I know I am. I am truly interested in this culture shift and what will happen. Now that we have opened this new box of rainbows, will we find the pot of gold or will we forever look for it? I wonder. What do you think?
Saturday, June 27, 2015
Gay Marriage
Gay Marriage. You know what? I am really happy that Gay Marriage is legal in all 50 states. I am. I don't care who knows it.
I am going to spill a few truths about me and my husband. Back in 2008, our church held this campaign to pass prop 108. It was the proposition to oppose Gay Marriage. I think it was prop 108. Anyway, we were really active in our church and attended all our meetings and were obedient to every commandment that was given to us.
Then one day at church they started to ask us to call people and tell them to vote for prop 108 and place these signs in our yards. We just looked at each other. There were no words said because we both thought it was ridiculous. Who does this sort of thing to other people? Not me or my husband, that is for sure.
We took the signs and the phone bank numbers and as soon as we got home we threw them in the trash. There was no way were going to participate in this madness. This was the first time we were disobedient to our church and what they asked of us.
We explained to our daughter (my daughter, his stepdaughter. We think of her as our daughter) that people can't help who they love. That God made everyone and he made Gay people just like he made Heterosexual people too. We told her that at one time our church practiced polygamy and had to explain what that was and that in order for Utah to become a state we had to ban that practice because the rest of America found it distasteful and abhorrent.
Not that I would ever practice polygamy. I am kinda selfish and really am not the type to be able to share a husband. Yet, there are many women better than me and able to do that kind of thing. God love them. Besides there were days, when I was working full time and an Officer of the union and doing charity work, church work and a full time mom I would have loved a sister wife. Just saying.
My husband and I decided it is for God to decide what is right and wrong and not us in the matter of who loves who. He made everyone. He made the gays and Heterosexuals so there must be reason right? Maybe to eventually bring us all together and realize that you just can't help but love who you love and really just love your neighbor like you love yourself.
Besides, isn't it time for our country to stop worrying about what people do with each other sexually, who they marry, what religion they practice and what they do with their genitals and start worrying about things like the terrorists at our door and our constitution being dismantled sentence by sentence.
I mean there isn't one thing in our constitution about the gays or the heterosexuals. The bible as it stands has been re-written so many times and torn apart and put back together that I am not sure it resembles anything like the original. I mean whole books have been missing for centuries. We know this. Everyone knows this.
Who is to say that the gays were not just fine in the original bible but cut out and the other stuff patched in. We will never know. That is why I think this kind of stuff be left to God and God alone. My heart tells me to just be good and love everyone no matter what. To forgive people no matter what. I don't have to agree with them or like what they have done but I do have to find some peace, so I can go on.
Yes, there are some intolerable things, like rape, incest, murder, crazy crap that makes no sense...etc but for the most part who you love just does not fit into any of the stuff that makes you turn your back on someone or tell them you cannot marry them or love them.
So, I say let this one go people. Yes, I agree there might be some things that follow that will be weird like churches loosing their tax exempt status but I am sure in the long run things will work out. I don't agree with not having a say with what children are being taught in schools and think that parents should be able to have the right to teach their children in their own way about who loves who in their own way.
Don't get me wrong my conservative friends. I am still so very conservative and hardly am swayed but this is one thing I just can't go there for. I believe in love and to me there is nothing more important than love.
I have often looked at my husband and asked him why I love him. He looks at me and says, I have no idea. He then asks me why does he love me. I tell him that I am amazing, beautiful, smart and perfect. This always gets couch pillows tossed my way but he laughs while he throws them. There is no telling why people really love each other. They just do. Just because people have the same genitalia does not make it wrong.
My own daughter is attracted to people of her own sex and I don't care. I simply want her to be happy and find someone to love her completely and be there for her. To be fulfilled with a companion like everyone else. What is so horrible about that?
Our church would have her marry a man and have children with him even, if she does not love him. They would have her marry a man who loves men and then they would seem to cancel out what ever makes them wrong in the eyes of the church and make a life together. I suppose that would be living a lie. Is that worse? To me that is worse.
They would have children together and raise their children to believe their parents truly love each other. Most likely, their children would be gay, since it is most likely genetic and everyone would be more confused and more unhappy. Living unhappy and very sad lives. I don't get it.
So, after our daughter, came out of the closet, we decided that going to church was not in her or our best interest anymore. We decided to support her 100%. Kind of a small hill to stand on but the love of a child always trumps a church every time. To be honest my love, our love of Heavenly Father has never died but we chose our daughter over dogma and we choose love every time.
We stand by this Decision by the Supreme Court even though it is not a popular one with our friends or our church. However, I am so past caring what everyone thinks.
I might regret this but what do you think?
I am going to spill a few truths about me and my husband. Back in 2008, our church held this campaign to pass prop 108. It was the proposition to oppose Gay Marriage. I think it was prop 108. Anyway, we were really active in our church and attended all our meetings and were obedient to every commandment that was given to us.
Then one day at church they started to ask us to call people and tell them to vote for prop 108 and place these signs in our yards. We just looked at each other. There were no words said because we both thought it was ridiculous. Who does this sort of thing to other people? Not me or my husband, that is for sure.
We took the signs and the phone bank numbers and as soon as we got home we threw them in the trash. There was no way were going to participate in this madness. This was the first time we were disobedient to our church and what they asked of us.
We explained to our daughter (my daughter, his stepdaughter. We think of her as our daughter) that people can't help who they love. That God made everyone and he made Gay people just like he made Heterosexual people too. We told her that at one time our church practiced polygamy and had to explain what that was and that in order for Utah to become a state we had to ban that practice because the rest of America found it distasteful and abhorrent.
Not that I would ever practice polygamy. I am kinda selfish and really am not the type to be able to share a husband. Yet, there are many women better than me and able to do that kind of thing. God love them. Besides there were days, when I was working full time and an Officer of the union and doing charity work, church work and a full time mom I would have loved a sister wife. Just saying.
My husband and I decided it is for God to decide what is right and wrong and not us in the matter of who loves who. He made everyone. He made the gays and Heterosexuals so there must be reason right? Maybe to eventually bring us all together and realize that you just can't help but love who you love and really just love your neighbor like you love yourself.
Besides, isn't it time for our country to stop worrying about what people do with each other sexually, who they marry, what religion they practice and what they do with their genitals and start worrying about things like the terrorists at our door and our constitution being dismantled sentence by sentence.
I mean there isn't one thing in our constitution about the gays or the heterosexuals. The bible as it stands has been re-written so many times and torn apart and put back together that I am not sure it resembles anything like the original. I mean whole books have been missing for centuries. We know this. Everyone knows this.
Who is to say that the gays were not just fine in the original bible but cut out and the other stuff patched in. We will never know. That is why I think this kind of stuff be left to God and God alone. My heart tells me to just be good and love everyone no matter what. To forgive people no matter what. I don't have to agree with them or like what they have done but I do have to find some peace, so I can go on.
Yes, there are some intolerable things, like rape, incest, murder, crazy crap that makes no sense...etc but for the most part who you love just does not fit into any of the stuff that makes you turn your back on someone or tell them you cannot marry them or love them.
So, I say let this one go people. Yes, I agree there might be some things that follow that will be weird like churches loosing their tax exempt status but I am sure in the long run things will work out. I don't agree with not having a say with what children are being taught in schools and think that parents should be able to have the right to teach their children in their own way about who loves who in their own way.
Don't get me wrong my conservative friends. I am still so very conservative and hardly am swayed but this is one thing I just can't go there for. I believe in love and to me there is nothing more important than love.
I have often looked at my husband and asked him why I love him. He looks at me and says, I have no idea. He then asks me why does he love me. I tell him that I am amazing, beautiful, smart and perfect. This always gets couch pillows tossed my way but he laughs while he throws them. There is no telling why people really love each other. They just do. Just because people have the same genitalia does not make it wrong.
My own daughter is attracted to people of her own sex and I don't care. I simply want her to be happy and find someone to love her completely and be there for her. To be fulfilled with a companion like everyone else. What is so horrible about that?
Our church would have her marry a man and have children with him even, if she does not love him. They would have her marry a man who loves men and then they would seem to cancel out what ever makes them wrong in the eyes of the church and make a life together. I suppose that would be living a lie. Is that worse? To me that is worse.
They would have children together and raise their children to believe their parents truly love each other. Most likely, their children would be gay, since it is most likely genetic and everyone would be more confused and more unhappy. Living unhappy and very sad lives. I don't get it.
So, after our daughter, came out of the closet, we decided that going to church was not in her or our best interest anymore. We decided to support her 100%. Kind of a small hill to stand on but the love of a child always trumps a church every time. To be honest my love, our love of Heavenly Father has never died but we chose our daughter over dogma and we choose love every time.
We stand by this Decision by the Supreme Court even though it is not a popular one with our friends or our church. However, I am so past caring what everyone thinks.
I might regret this but what do you think?
Friday, June 26, 2015
Middle age blows
I have noticed that in the mornings my tummy is relatively flat for a roundish kinda girl. As the day goes on my tummy gets bigger and bigger. I am telling you in looks like I have a tumor.
I slip into my jeans in the morning. I can see my feet. I can't wear a graphic T-shirt or anything yet, but my clothes are looking much better. By the end of the day it looks like I am hiding a basketball under my top or a beer belly.
I have no idea what is up with the expanding belly. I have even measured my waist in the morning and by 3PM it can be three inches bigger. No, joke. I know this because I have measured it and its like there is this inflating balloon that just pumps up all the sudden and my panties roll down at the same time. So, totally uncomfortable and it really annoys me and is very uncomfortable. I wish I could wear a thong again. Thongs don't roll down. However, I am way to old and way to fat to wear a thong. I just could not to that to any emergency workers that would happen to rescue me on the street. Way to traumatizing for everyone involved.
It does not matter how much weight I loose or what I am eating, it happens every day not matter what. I have come to call my afternoon friend, Fred my flabby friend.
By the morning Fred is gone and the whole process starts all over again. I have been talking to women around my age and it seems to be a trend for a lot of us. Of course, there are those who have won the genetic lottery and their stomachs remain flat and trim. In theory I am happy for them but in reality I hate them.
So, I ask you, do any of you out there have this evening tummy thing? I am curious. Because I literally have to change my clothes in the evening from pants with a waist and button to yoga pants. Not that I don't love my yoga pants but really?
So, far middle age sucks ass and I hate it. The only good thing so far is that my daughter is no longer stealing my socks because she does not live here. I finally have matching socks all the time. That is the only good thing about middle age so far. However, I think I would rather have my daughter here and have mismatched socks. The only good thing is really not that good.
I mean, the thickening body, the aches, the pains, the strange woman body processes, the memory weirdness and everything else that goes along with it because I am middle aged and I have forgot to write it down. Old age is looking worse and worse. Who wants this crap. Not me. Do you?
I am glad I decided a long time ago that I refused to be an old person. OK, I know I have no choice but I am not going down without a fight. Haha, sure. I am going to be the little old lady who is the frailest of them all. Yay, me.
Alright, I am kidding, kinda. I can see how women get all addicted to plastic surgery and wear inappropriate younger clothes and stuff like that. I can see that now. I won't be that girl, I will be the best older girl I can be but really really pissed about it.
If I could have a cause to fight against this would be it. Middle and old age instead of all the other crap that is out there. I could picket this and feel good about it. Hell no, Middle age, I won't go!!!
Bah!!! There is nothing that can be done but to just let it happen with has much grace and humor as possible. I suppose that is the best I can do. Maybe just one picket sign for fun. Sigh.
It does not matter how much weight I loose or what I am eating, it happens every day not matter what. I have come to call my afternoon friend, Fred my flabby friend.
By the morning Fred is gone and the whole process starts all over again. I have been talking to women around my age and it seems to be a trend for a lot of us. Of course, there are those who have won the genetic lottery and their stomachs remain flat and trim. In theory I am happy for them but in reality I hate them.
So, I ask you, do any of you out there have this evening tummy thing? I am curious. Because I literally have to change my clothes in the evening from pants with a waist and button to yoga pants. Not that I don't love my yoga pants but really?
So, far middle age sucks ass and I hate it. The only good thing so far is that my daughter is no longer stealing my socks because she does not live here. I finally have matching socks all the time. That is the only good thing about middle age so far. However, I think I would rather have my daughter here and have mismatched socks. The only good thing is really not that good.
I mean, the thickening body, the aches, the pains, the strange woman body processes, the memory weirdness and everything else that goes along with it because I am middle aged and I have forgot to write it down. Old age is looking worse and worse. Who wants this crap. Not me. Do you?
I am glad I decided a long time ago that I refused to be an old person. OK, I know I have no choice but I am not going down without a fight. Haha, sure. I am going to be the little old lady who is the frailest of them all. Yay, me.
Alright, I am kidding, kinda. I can see how women get all addicted to plastic surgery and wear inappropriate younger clothes and stuff like that. I can see that now. I won't be that girl, I will be the best older girl I can be but really really pissed about it.
If I could have a cause to fight against this would be it. Middle and old age instead of all the other crap that is out there. I could picket this and feel good about it. Hell no, Middle age, I won't go!!!
Bah!!! There is nothing that can be done but to just let it happen with has much grace and humor as possible. I suppose that is the best I can do. Maybe just one picket sign for fun. Sigh.
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Some times what life throws at you really sucks
So, I really have not felt the blog love lately. Not even a little bit. To be honest every time I sat down to blog something else has been on my mind that has pushed all thoughts of anything else off the blog page.
Anyway, I posted on Facebook the other day that I was in a non blogging mood. One of my work friends asked me what was up. She had wondered were my nonsensical blog musings had gone. I told her. She told me to blog about it because it was real and people like real stuff. OK then, here goes.
A few years ago I had an ablation. I had my endometrial lining burned away. That is the lining inside your uterus. Kinda cool. The end result was basically no more periods or a teeny tiny one every so often that required no pad or bother at all. Lasted a half of a day at the very most. The period symptoms, like cramps and all that goes with it was not as bad as before and my life was 100% better. I was one happy me.
Then the brain tumor and the brain tumor resection and all the stuff that followed. I feel great now. I really do. Except one thing. Now, I have periods again. WTF!!! I have no idea what that Neurosurgeon did to my pituitary gland but now I am like a teenager all over.
I really don't think the surgeon did anything bad, I just think my pituitary gland and other stimulated secretions had a mind of their own and decided that they wanted to mess with me some more and this was how they were going to do it. Teenage periods that are monumental and monstrous. I need diapers. I have cramps that bring me to my knees and not that I wasn't crazy before, I am certifiable now. After years of feeling like a human being, I am now a hormonal a 13 year old. I even get zits.
I had been going through the normal Peri-menopausal stuff. You know, hot flashes, absent mindedness, short temper and all that goes with it but now I get all that stuff and the 13 year old crap too. Lucky me. The joy and dancing that is abounding in my home. I had to purchase maxi pads with wings that look like diapers for nighttime wear and all sorts of products that I never thought I would ever need at my advanced age.
My husband is overjoyed as well. He can't wait to cuddle up to me in my sexy nightgown with a diaper on. Not. Also, to point out that my lady parts are off limit for at least two weeks every month now due to my second teenage revolution. Yes, he love that. Not, again. What bothers me the most is why do I have to have this part of teenager hood ? Why can't I have the great ass or perfect boobs? This seems so completely unfair. I protest.
So, this has been swirling in my head for the last couple of weeks. My body is a crap storm and I just have to let it happen. That is the way life goes...at least with women stuff. My husbands grandmother told me that is the way it is and no amount of "Doctoring" will ever fix it. I now believe her.
Now that I have vented about my normal life processes and told you that I need to wear a diaper for two weeks every month. I feel better. Sorry, you now have this hideous visual of my new reality. I hope your not completely scared and need therapy.
As always, I enjoy letting you know all about my insanely normal life. Hope this one did not disappoint.
Anyway, I posted on Facebook the other day that I was in a non blogging mood. One of my work friends asked me what was up. She had wondered were my nonsensical blog musings had gone. I told her. She told me to blog about it because it was real and people like real stuff. OK then, here goes.
A few years ago I had an ablation. I had my endometrial lining burned away. That is the lining inside your uterus. Kinda cool. The end result was basically no more periods or a teeny tiny one every so often that required no pad or bother at all. Lasted a half of a day at the very most. The period symptoms, like cramps and all that goes with it was not as bad as before and my life was 100% better. I was one happy me.
Then the brain tumor and the brain tumor resection and all the stuff that followed. I feel great now. I really do. Except one thing. Now, I have periods again. WTF!!! I have no idea what that Neurosurgeon did to my pituitary gland but now I am like a teenager all over.
I really don't think the surgeon did anything bad, I just think my pituitary gland and other stimulated secretions had a mind of their own and decided that they wanted to mess with me some more and this was how they were going to do it. Teenage periods that are monumental and monstrous. I need diapers. I have cramps that bring me to my knees and not that I wasn't crazy before, I am certifiable now. After years of feeling like a human being, I am now a hormonal a 13 year old. I even get zits.
I had been going through the normal Peri-menopausal stuff. You know, hot flashes, absent mindedness, short temper and all that goes with it but now I get all that stuff and the 13 year old crap too. Lucky me. The joy and dancing that is abounding in my home. I had to purchase maxi pads with wings that look like diapers for nighttime wear and all sorts of products that I never thought I would ever need at my advanced age.
My husband is overjoyed as well. He can't wait to cuddle up to me in my sexy nightgown with a diaper on. Not. Also, to point out that my lady parts are off limit for at least two weeks every month now due to my second teenage revolution. Yes, he love that. Not, again. What bothers me the most is why do I have to have this part of teenager hood ? Why can't I have the great ass or perfect boobs? This seems so completely unfair. I protest.
So, this has been swirling in my head for the last couple of weeks. My body is a crap storm and I just have to let it happen. That is the way life goes...at least with women stuff. My husbands grandmother told me that is the way it is and no amount of "Doctoring" will ever fix it. I now believe her.
Now that I have vented about my normal life processes and told you that I need to wear a diaper for two weeks every month. I feel better. Sorry, you now have this hideous visual of my new reality. I hope your not completely scared and need therapy.
As always, I enjoy letting you know all about my insanely normal life. Hope this one did not disappoint.
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