Lets talk about shopping. I mentioned on Facebook that I went shopping in Vegas and bought some new tops. I really didn't get into my whole experience because I was lazy and having to much fun in Vegas to really get into it. So here goes.
I used to love to go shopping. That was when I was younger and much thinner. I loved to slink into anything and look adorable. There was nothing as satisfying as looking in the dressing room mirror over your shoulder at your own ass and smiling knowing how adorable you looked. Then I started to get older. I got fatter and fatter. I just couldn't help myself. I love to eat. Then going shopping for clothes became a nightmare.
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing fashionable about being a large size girl. I don't care what the Media says. The clothes they make for us are hideous. Most are these floral almost circus type clothes that just make my skin crawl. The shops they have for us are less than five stores. Designer clothing is about zero or less than zero. Lane Bryant is about the only store that has anything kinda cute and lately the clothes there have been really scary. Nordstrom's sometimes has a good selection.
So, a good friend once told me that you should just spend whatever it takes on a few good pieces of clothing and get what looks good and feels right then paying less for something you know you look kinda Meh in. I slowly have started to do that. It is kinda difficult because its hard to plunk down large sums of money for one top, when you know you can buy six t-shirts for half of what you just paid for one top. It is kinda like, when you buy your first really good handbag. That first time you spend over say.....What you would pay for groceries for a month on a handbag. You think to yourself this is crazy. I could buy ten handbags for this. Then five or even ten years later that handbag is still gorgeous and still in style and it is working wonderful and looks like you have never used it. You know you made a good purchase. It's the same with clothing.
Back to Vegas. I was shopping in Vegas and I was so tired of looking like Miss Frumpy Fat Girl in Fugly Fat girl clothes. My Husband sent me out shopping and told me to come back with something nice. We were staying at Cesears and the shopping there is all higher end. I reminded my Husband of this fact and he said he knew and to please go shopping and find something that would put a smile on my face. OK....please don't twist my arm. I went without hesitation or before he could change his mind. Run. Teri. Run to the designer stores. Run.
I found myself at the store of BEBE. I went and noticed that they at size 00. Hmmm? I am not a size 00. So far from that size. Adorable clothing but even the size Large looked really really small. I was approached by a sales clerk and she was so nice. I told her that I thought I was way to large to be looking in this store for anything to wear and that, if I was to try anything on I might bust it apart at the seams (like the Hulk). The clerk laughed and told me larger girls than me came here shopping all the time. I leaned in and said out the side of my mouth. Really? She assured me Really? I said. OK then. Help me find some tops that I won't leave in tatters on the floor. In less than five minutes this girl had something like 20 tops, two maxi dresses and some leggings in a dressing room and me hustled inside.
I found three tops that I loved and looked good on me. I felt kinda pretty again. I even looked over my shoulder to see how I looked from behind and it wasn't as horrible as I imagined it to be. The Maxi dresses kinda made me look like I was a sausage and I didn't even try the leggings. The girl said they stretched but I wasn't buying it. They looked way to small and I thought for sure I would kill myself trying to get in or out of them. The last thing I wanted for my Husband was to explain to my family that my death was caused by a pair of tight leggings.
Once at the cash register, I found out that all three tops were on discount and I saved some money. I spent quite a bit of money for them but they are very beautiful and becoming and I like them. I have bought into this thought that you really do get what you pay for. Now, this is going to stop me from bargain hunting all over the place for clothing. Heck, I even buy stuff at Goodwill but from now on I am going to buy my good clothing at the higher end places and buy what I like and what looks good on me. I think in the long run I will feel better about me and I won't end up just throwing away most of what I buy or never wear it again. Sometimes I feel sorry for all the clothing sitting in my closet. Never to be worn again.
I know, as a fat girl, I should loose weight and exercise, whatever. Bite me. I just want to be happy. I am working on being happy. Eating healthy foods does not make me happy. Working out does not make me happy. Those things make me incredibly frustrated and sad. I am naturally a larger person. I am tall and big boned. I have large breasts. I have big hips. So what? Even, if I starved myself, and I have. I would still weigh more than my BMI says I should. I still would be "big" by all standards. Screw it. I have decided that beauty is who I am at this moment.
I have to get up everyday and look at billboards and magazines and TV every second of everyday that tell me I am an ugly cow simply because I exist in the form I was born in. No more. I work on being happy. Buying beautiful clothing, shoes and handbags with matching accessories to adorn all of my largeness is all I can do. Maybe, everyone needs to just be happy in the skin they are in at this moment right now?
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