About a year ago, my Daughter, Cassidy, Told us that she was Pansexual. OK? So, What the Heck does that mean? She explained that she was not interested in a persons genitalia, just the person. Being the optimist I gathered from that to mean she has a 50% more chance at love than the rest of us. I say go Daughter. Make hay while the sun shines.
I will say at first I was kinda freaked out. I only have one natural daughter. I have two stepchildren of whom I adore and think of as my own, but I did have about ten minutes of freak out. I thought what, if she falls in love with a women and has no babies. That means I have no grandchildren. I straightened out my thinking in about ten minutes. I realized that my daughters happiness is much more important than grandchildren. I choose her life time of happy over babies for me to snuggle for an hour or two on a Sunday. Maybe, one of my Stepchildren will allow me the pleasure of the occasional baby snuggle from time to time. Basically, I got on board with the pansexual thing and just accepted my daughter for who she is. I let her be the adult she wants to be and try not to be to meddlesome. I try. I am not perfect. I mess up all the time and give her advice and say motherly things. We have got into some fights. There have been tears from both of us and lots of growing pains. My daughter grew up, our relationship changed and now we are in the next phase. The learning to be adults together phase.
Anyway, the weirdest thing has come out of this "Gay" thing. My daughter was out of the closest so to say and she told me to let people know. I did. I just told the truth because that is easier. I have no experience with being the Mother of a gay person. I have experience being the friend of a gay person. I have no other experience on my life resume to help me in this role. I have read no books like "What to do, when your Daughter says she is a Pansexual?" Nope, I have no reference. All the sudden people have been coming to me and asking for advice. Hey, Teri...my Son/Daughter says they are Gay/Bisexual/Pansexual....Um..What do I do? Do I look like the poster Mom for Gay folk? I don't know? Ok..that is what I want to say. I usually say. Love your Son/Daughter no matter what.
I then tell them a story about my Daughter. It goes something like this. When my Daughter was little, she would ask me what would make me not love her anymore? I would say there is nothing on this planet that would ever make me stop loving you. As she grew up she would say the same thing and then I would add stuff like... even if you turned into an alligator I would love you. Then one day I said, I would love you even if you were a Bull Dike, Coke Can worshiping Lesbian. I think she was around 13 or so. She found this incredibly funny and from then on that was always the standard answer. That no matter what, who she loved or what she worshiped I would love her. I suppose that it was a prophecy of sorts. She does not worship coke cans. Lets make that clear. So, I tell these peeps who ask me, just love your kids. No matter what.
Of course, there is always the religious stuff that comes into question. I say, God will sort it out in the end and he gave you that child to love and raise. God does not make mistakes. Your child is not a mistake, so continue on with the loving unconditionally thing. Then the question comes...What if they want to marry the same sex? I say how will you stop that? Throw you body in-between them during the ceremony as a bomb? Killing you and them? Ah..No. Right. Ok then. You cannot stop that. If you want your child in your life, buy a nice outfit and attend the wedding. Support your child and love them no matter what. Love their choice of spouse and support their choice. This seems so no brainer to me. I have no idea why I keep getting asked these very simple questions with very simple answers.
Then I get the big one about it being morally wrong to be "Gay". I say, well gosh. I am not God. I didn't send dreams and visions to the prophets to write the scriptures. I had nothing to do with that. I am a Mother. I know that I love my Daughter and there is nothing in Heaven or on earth that would ever take me from her. I cannot imagine a God that would have my daughter live a lie married to a man going to a church that said she was evil then having children with this man and raising them to believe this as well. I think that she might hate herself or be really depressed. Or worse live a life of loneliness and celibacy having no relationships ever because she felt she was wrong her whole life. I don't know, neither of those possibilities doesn't sound like a good way to live or at best a very happy way to life. I usually just shrug and say pray to Heavenly Father and ask him. I did. He tells me to love my child no matter what because he love me no matter what.
I know. Right? I would never have expected this kind off outcome either. I was talking to my Daughter about it the other day and she suggested I use it as blog fodder. My Daughter seems perfectly well adjusted for someone raised by me. She is really weird. She does get that honestly, the weird part. She is also, so funny. My gosh the sense of humor on that kid. I have no idea how that came about. Must be from her Dad.
I suppose the take away from all this is to love your kids no matter what. Heavenly Father loves us no matter what and we are his children. Yes, you can be angry with your children. You can discipline your children and so forth but to stop loving them or cut them out of our life for being innately who they are...well....that is just like saying since you have blond hair, I am going to hate you now. Just plain silly. If you kid is Gay or not just love them. No matter what.
No comments:
Post a Comment