What makes a good wife?

I was having one of those middle aged sleepless nights.  Those of you who have not reached this point in your life have no idea what I am talking about and those of you who are men are reading this confused.  This is one of those things that us women get to experience.  Think of spending your life always tired.  You cannot wait to go to bed.  You slip into bed at eight PM or so at night and find yourself wide awake at one AM in the morning.  You are drowned in your own sweat and staring at the ceiling.  So not fun.  

I am  the one in the family who snores.  My Husband snores but he swears that he does not snore and proclaims I am the loudest snorer on the planet.  When I do snore he will shake the bed by bouncing his body up and down.  He does this while he is sleeping.  Last night, while I was staring at the ceiling in a puddle of my own sweat, he was snoring at a good clip.  Every time he snored, he would bounce and then stop snoring.  A few minutes later, he would snore and bounce.  It was amusing at best.  This is when I began to think.  

What is it that makes a good wife?  I read a book once by Dr Laura.  If you do not know who Dr Laura is, she is a conservative talk show host on AM radio.  I began to listen to her right after my Daughter was born.  My Neighbor turned me on to her.  She wrote  book called "The care and feeding of Husbands".  At least I think that is what it was called.  Another friend hooked me up to that book.  

I learned a lot from Dr Laura.  She had a lot of views on what it means to be a good Wife, Mother and Women in our modern times.  To be honest, when I first started to listen to her, I was really a left winged Liberal and had some really interesting views on what I thought and believed.  I was an idiot.  

I was on my first marriage during that time.  I like to think of it as a starter marriage.  I married my best friend.  He was someone I had a great time with, someone I laughed with.  He was such an inappropriate choice as a Husband for me.  Why?  Because as soon as I became a Mother, my head cleared and I realized that I wanted a Husband not a friend.  I knew that a Husband who was a provider and a Father was what I needed.    I was in a no win situation.  So was my first Husband.  He thought he married a Liberal and I turned into some hard core conservative.  Not fair at all.  I then realized I was so like my conservative parents and no matter how hard I fought it, I was just like them.  So, like all starter marriages, mine failed.  

I learned that I was a horrible Wife the first go ground because I did not respect my Husband for the man he was.  That was so wrong of me.  I was not very nice to him.  I vowed that, if I ever fell in love again, I would be a respectful Wife and encourage my Husband.  Once I had read Dr Laura's book, she also confirmed that was something that both spouses should do for each other.  Always be respectful of each other.  

Once I gave myself permission to fall in love with my current Husband and allow him to marry me, I began the process of being respectful to my Husband and learning what made him happy.  I learned to serve him and by seeing to all his needs was such a simple thing.  My Husband had to do nothing but be served in the home he provided for me.  I spoiled him and waited on him hand and foot.  On the other hand I worry over no financial matter and know that I am secure and well provided for.  I know that I need not worry over home repairs/car repairs/whatever repairs for these will be taken care of.  I do work as Nurse.  We agreed that I need to work until all our children are adults and on their own.  

I learned that men are very simple.  They like to be fed.  They need sex on a regular basis and need to feel that they are important to the women in their lives   As I let go of my left winged, liberal blather that had filled my head for years, it all became so simple.  In order for me to have a worthy Husband, I would have to be a worthy Wife.  How?  Stop being selfish for one.  Treat him like you want to be treated.  I am pretty sure Jesus said that one.  I began to grow as a Wife and my Husband began to grow as a Husband.  Our marriage grew and became stronger.  

Oh...let me tell you, it was a struggle.  We both had trust issues and had to work through many road  blocks.  Yet, we stand today better people.  Some days I want to toss my Husband out with the bathwater.  He can be so frustrating.  Then again so can I.  Then I remember how simple men really are and the basics.  Yes, my marriage is very old fashioned.  I actually ask my Husband for permission or money.  This makes him happy.  Most of my friends hate this about our relationship.  They think I am crazy letting my husband have this much control over everything.  Yet, what they do not realize is how much control I really have.  Besides, it is my marriage not theirs.  

Back to the question.  What makes a good wife?  For my Husband, it is me and what I do.  My Husband tells me I am the gold standard of all wives ever.  I think he might be busting my chops.  Then again I tell him he is the best ever of all Husbands.  Maybe there is the example of the respect thing in action.  Each couple that is successful has a rhythm that they get into and they make a dance that works for them.  The couples that are unsuccessful need to learn to dance together and anticipate the others moves or they will fall down and keep falling, perhaps never to get up again.  

I know for me being the kind of Wife I am is a good wife for my Husband.  I think each Wife finds her way with her Husband and becomes all that for him.  The one thing I know, is that a man needs to respect his Wife.  When I hear a man say something contemptuous regarding his wife, I know that they are in dangerous waters and time is running short.  I heard a man say in a voice so full of contempt once that his women did not know how to cook unless it came out of a box.  His voice was laced with such hatred towards her non cooking skill.  This man had never married the Mother of his child.  I then realized why.  He did not respect her.  She could not cook.  In his mind, a Wife cooks.  Again my theory proved right.  They are not married and never will be.  Maybe she should learn to cook.  

I know another couple that ended because the Wife could not stay within a budget.  The Husband would get so angry with her every month.  He would yell and scream at her that she needed to stay in a certain budget and she would ignore him.  This wife did not work.  This couple was a working class couple and did not make a large sum of money.  This wife over spent in spades.  Finally, the Husband had enough and divorced his wife.  He needed her to be thrifty and follow a budget so he could respect her, trust her.  She was selfish and lazy.  They are no longer married.  The Husband found a person that respected him enough to be budget conscious and held a job.  He is very happy and their marriage is thriving.  The wife has never re-married.  I believe that she has never learned her lesson with money and struggles till this day.  

So, in being the Wife my Husband needs me to be, I earn his respect.  In being the Husband I need him to be, I respect him.  We have learned to serve each other and then dance with each other.  We stumble sometimes, we fight.  Yet, our marriage is solid.  Who knows what the future will hold.  However, I have faith that my Husband is in my future and I am in his.  

What do you think?